Ponderings

I'm Shifting !!!

2009-12-18T06:36:00.000-08:00

am shifting.. Its like moving into a house I have been dreaming for years.. Yes; but it isn't actually a home shifting that am talking about, but a shift from blogosphere. 6 blogs were gettign a bit too handful to maintain and to read (as reported by trusted sources). So, here is the solution. am moving all my blogs under a single roof; where as desired before by me, you could choose which section you'd want to read or not ( From the Menu) and if you aren't particular, I'd be really happy if you go through all. Its just created today. So, the site-warming (if there exists a term like that) is today.. Like when we move home, we still expect our friends to visit us and be friends.. All my friends here are requested to come and be a part of my new site Banter Battery.

Can't tell you how glad I am to be a domain owner. So, Meenakshi Nair is the official owner / Boss at www.banterbattery.com .Waiting to meet you all there !!!

P.S : A big big bear hug to Raghu ji for making this suppressed dream a reality. I was so very excited and moved by the kind of initiative and trouble he went through for this, I don't even remember saying as much as a thank you to him. Maybe am not that good at mouthing my emotions verbally. But really, from the bottom of my heart; Thanks a ton!!!

Cleaning my Foot !

2009-12-16T09:18:00.000-08:00

Something seems to have got into my head;or more aptly my foot. I seem to be obsessed with its cleanliness.There was a time, I loved my feet. They were flawless. The object of my admiration every night before sleep. But now.. blame it on the chic sandals that have left my feet exposed to pollution,sandal-bites,rain water,sun,moon and what not ; I sleep with a socks on to avoid looking at my pathetic feet. My former homemate found it strange, but dismissed it as one of my many eccentricities. All my friends maintain that my feet look pretty. But I maintain -not pretty enough for my liking! However I too dismissed this uncanny obsession as another of my "different" traits. I wash my feet more times than I would wash my face. I use soap to wash my face, but Lotus face wash is used on my feet. I have no cream for my face, but I use Dove moisturizing cream for my feet. But things went a bit too far last Sunday.I found in a magazine a way to have a pedicure at home (I hate going to beauty parlour, so I pounced on the advice) and tried it:
1) Remove your nail polish with a quality nail polish remover.
2) Put your feet in hot water with shampoo mixed in it. Keep moving your feet moving it slightly rubbing them agianst each other till the water turns cold.
3) use pumice stone and gently rub your feet.
4) use a foot file and scrub off with pressure all dead layers of skin from your feet.
5) use an exfoliating creame and gently massage your feet.
6) Wash off.
7) Put 2 coats of nailpolish and allow to dry

I followed each step painstakingly with a greed for nothing more than awesome looking feet.
The result :
*I spent 296 Rs in the commodities needed (the gas charges, etc not included 'cos I get it free at home)
*I burn my feet slightly (I am not sure if my toes look pinkish because of the massage or because they are half cooked)
*My legs have scratch marks as if I was caught inside a thicket full of metal thorns.(They get darker and uglier with each passing day - never thought I could be such a sadist with myself).

So I have a resolution already in mind for the coming year; to get over the obsession with the cleanliness of my feet. If I can manage to survive happily with an unclean room and an absolute pandemonium struck wardrobe space, I should be able to live through with dirty feet.

Oops, there seems to be some dirt between my toe nails. Lemme clean it first, catch ya later.

The Official Announcement.

2009-12-03T11:09:00.000-08:00

I am Engaged! I have found the guy I would be spending my life with and a new family am absolutely in love with. My parents are more happy than I can tell and surprisingly, I am happy too.

We would be getting married only next year.. In the meanwhile, we have an official license to some romance-time.

There are a whole load of episodes, tensed nerves and absolutely bonkers times before I could say the above lines. They shall soon be shared.

[ Believe it or not: This was the exact wording on the notice put up on the Display board on the Reception of the Hotel we got engaged in. Pun or error? I think the later, but can't be sure. Luckily people were so engrossed in everything else, no one other than me and my brother in law found anything amiss in the wordings. My Jijaji; my sister's husband assures me that whoever did it couldn't ever be more right. "You are encaged till you are completely trapped". lol. so planning to enjoy this "encagement" period. Any suggestions,please? ]

Superior Scribbler Award

2009-11-01T01:00:00.000-07:00

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.. Atlast I have got an award and that too a " Superior Scribbler Award " .

Yeah yeah, I know. Most of you have so many awards by now that an award might seem like a chore to you. But, not so with me. Am as excited as I can be (despite that I am stuck with a persistent bout of flu)

I got the blog award for my 6th and the most recent blog, Reveries & Nightmares . However since am so particular about what goes on in which blog, I felt this blog would be the best to showcase my award (can't make another blog just for awards, unless am sure that I'd be flooded with them- no chance whatsoever + a lot many people shall personally come up and strangle me if I venture into one more blog) and to pass on the award to other blogger friends.

Firstly, the rules of the Awards :

* Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
* Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
* Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.
* Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
* Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

Now, let the music start as I announce the 5 Superior Scribblers :

Blunt Edges (don't know his actual name)
http://blunt-edges.blogspot.com/
Why?? - The writing is effortless, humorous, no big -time vocab displays, relateable topics, very interestign reading material and surely a Superior Scribbler; literally.

Ekanthapadhikan - The Truth About Me-self
http://truthabtmeself.blogspot.com/

Why?? - a multi talented person, whose writing is as good as his singing. Oh, and must say he too is a multiple blogger, like me.

Yellalley95 - Zoinkers!
http://yellaalley95-ugh.blogspot.com/

Why?? - A 14 year old blogger, true from-the-heart writing style. An 8th Grader who gets this Superior Scribbler as an Hats Off gesture for her writing as well as for doing it while still so young. Wishign a great future ahead!

Helen - This is New.
http://thisisnewforhelen.blogspot.com/

Why?? - another 14 year old with a dream to conquer, a girl with potential. Though new to blogosphere, her scribblings are worth the award. Blog on!

Pritish - My Cooking Skill
http://pritishcookswell.blogspot.com/

Why?? - This is one blog, where the why is actually relevant. This is Pritish's cooking recipe blog. However he has another blog where he writes, yet I chose this blog over the other one because his recipes are simple, easy to make and ends up delicious too. Nothing on the recipe list makes you wonder which part of the world you'll have to ransack to get it. Most of us cook, but very few of us write about it, more so with a few scribblings to make it personal. He ain't my Blogger buddy, just a fellow blogger I discovered recently.

All the Awardees can find the Mr. Linky List here and add their names and blog url there.

Now with the task done, I shall move on and tell you about Janice from My Diary who gave me the award. Her blog brings about the terrible times since childhood that she has gone through in life. She is making a book out of it, so that other people who too have gone through hell or are going through it know that they are not alone. Wishing her all the best and hope the book shall be published soon.

Are there any more rules left? Oh I had to say, I have other blogger friends in mind who deserved this Award too, but a few of them have already been given the award, and the rule said just 5 (I was quite tempted to break the rule).

mmm..

2009-10-29T00:17:00.000-07:00

Hmm.. thats a strange title to come from me - I usually give more attention to the title than I ever give to the post.

But am a bit speechless. Don't know how to tell..

Some of my blogging friends were already confused, irritated, convinced of the pointlessness, etc., etc. by the fact that I have not one, not two, not three, not four but five blogs.

Only dear Meenakshi knows how tough it is at times to update all. Sometimes she even ignores one or two of her blogs, but still she prefers to keep a line of compartmentalization to what I write.

As if five were not enough, am adding another one to the list, my sixth blog. Yes, I present to you my sixth blog - Reveries & Nightmares .

Do visit. Waiting for reactions :)

The Pied Piper

2009-10-22T09:30:00.000-07:00

Just happened to be sitting in front of the Television trying to make sense of the absurd family drama going on, in the serial my mom had been religiously watching; while I was trying hard to hold a conversation with my parents. Eventually the time for commercial break came up and my parents turned to me with full attention to hear whatever I was trying to say to them.

That's when I saw the "Simply Reliance Ad" starring Hrithick about some new plan of theirs. Its not the theme that pulled me to it, neither Hrithick (though he looks much better with those curly baby hair), not even the cool moves - it was the music played on flute. Beautiful composition and wonderfully rendered. Am enchanted! The ad gets over and I yearn to hear it again... Then I realize that my mom was accusing me of having my eyes & attention glued onto the TV while they were trying to have conversation with me...

Excuse me! wasn't I the one waiting here for the past 10 minutes watching some dreaded emotionally overloaded crap trying to talk to you?? No wonder I quit watching TV about 7 years ago. I was saved from the tongue -lashing when the serial resumed. I haven't watched TV not even for a stretch of half hour for the past 7 years and they think am addicted??? Addicted to my lappy - yea maybe I'd agree, my books - I surrender to the crime, music - worth it ; but TV - no way! Just not my cuppa tea.

Keep your TV & those serials, Talent shows to yourself.. am quite content in my world of books, music,writing & working... Yes , I do miss good Ads ...

Best Friend

2009-10-04T12:40:00.000-07:00

This is one of the most emotional post I have written till date- not because it will move anyone who reads to tears, but because I can’t hold back my tears while writing this. So, I shall keep it simple; as simple as I can, so as never to forget what am feeling now.

She was my best friend since KG1 and a friend even before that. Other friends have walked in and out of my life, but none like her. No one who has changed me the way she has. If am a better friend to the people I meet today, I owe it to her. Earlier, about two years before when I was trying to do a post on best friends, I choked and stopped myself rather than spoiling my mood. In that post, I had said I shall write someday later. Today has to be the day.

Nidhi Balagangadharan. The beautiful same aged kid with whom I used to shamelessly eat several helpings of icecreams at marriage parties. It was even better that our parents chose to send us to the same school. I don’t remember how exactly, but ever since I can remember she was my best friend. Things were heaven till the 8^th. I was one of those bubbly, studious, extracurricular kind of a person in school who had friends in all classes and was miraculously most teacher’s pet. I got some special joy in being liked by everyone. I made it a point to be very close and available for anyone or everyone who needed my help especially my classmates. I was one of those girls included in all the different groups n the class. I was proud of it then, not so much now. Somewhere in this “make everyone like me” fiasco, I left my Nidhi alone. Not because I loved her any less, but I felt since I see her after school too, I am being fair even if I don’t give her much time in class..She confronted me several times with tears in her eyes that she din’t like me being so close to others, that she wanted me for herself; she wanted her to be my only best friend. She was, but maybe I dint find it necessary to confirm or prove it to her. When the crying sessions started getting worse by the time we were in 9^th, I called her Rudali just to tease her. But somehow others in class got to know it and the name stuck to her. I felt sorry, but there was nothing I could do. I expected her to understand what I feel rather than make me say it. In 10^th, she was a bit drawn away. She would herself keep quiet and snuggle in a corner of the class all by herself and would try to be invisible to me till we left school. Then the day would be typical with studying together, meeting up in the evening again for a ride in our cycles and so on.. But till the date that I read her diary, I never knew how different she was feeling for me. The words she had written over and over in her diary for about months stared out into my face- “I hate her. I hate Minu”. Still I hadn’t known what to do but to cry hard when I was alone that night and for several nights to come. My dad took VRS that year and I left the place after my tenth. I remember the date.02-04-2000, when I left the place I was born and brought up and where the best of my memories lived, she had come to see me off. Silently, without tears she had pressed a bangle into my hand and waved a good bye. I wanted to cry and tell her she still was my best friend and always will be, but I was too determined never to cry in front of anybody. That painful lump that formed in my throat that day stayed there for several months after that too.

I came to a new place, felt like an alien; yet survived. I wrote her letters several times, never posted. I sent her brother a letter though. Nitish (or Deepu as we called him) was as much a brother to me as her. He replied back too, but not a word from her. Every year a birthday card bought and a letter is written but never posted. Used to ask everyone I knew back there about her. After about 5-6 years I lost track of her. Then got to her father somehow and told him to give her my mail id or to give me hers. He gave me her id, but still I never got a reply from her. Then after 8 and half years I found her again. For couple of months we mailed on formal terms. I even apologized, but she just waved it off saying “past is gone, it can’t be changed. Leave it”. Then about 8 months ago, I spoke to her. That’s when things came back to normal.

After 9 years and 5 months, I met her on the 1^st of October. When I first saw her walking towards me I wanted to hug her tight and laugh till I cry. But she walked up with a small smile and gave me a tap on my shoulder and off we went chit chatting and laughing like kids.2 days in between were one of the most beautiful days of my life. It was like the 9 years in between just melted off; as if they never existed. I knew she had forgiven me for being insensitive to her emotional needs back then. Today when she came to see me off, I felt that lump form in my throat again. I felt like giving a bear hug and telling her how much I had missed her, how much she meant to me and that she IS my best friend but thought better of it and was going to walk away when she held my hand and gave me a kiss on my cheek and then looked perplexed 'cos she had left her lipstick marks on my cheek. We both laughed and hugged each other. I fought to hold back my tears and whispered into her ears that she is and always will be my best friend. Then we broke free and I walked towards the waiting bus. She came over to the window I was sitting and I could see those tears brimming into her eyes just as they were brimming into mine. She held my hand and said “You too. Always”.

September

2009-09-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

It is the month of September. Yet another Birthday. There surely isn't any excitement or counting of days to the birthday as it used to be till a few years ago; but surely there is a warm feeling deep inside. This birthday is sort of important to me. Technically, this is going to be my last single birthday; the birthday that brings me to the age which I had told my parents I would be ready for marriage. Gosh, about 2-3 years ago, I really did feel that when am 24 years old, I shall be ready to be married,take up the marital responsibilities,be mature to deal with a new life and relations,take wise decisions,be emotionally prepared to be a wife. But except the fact that my perspective of life has changed a bit, I really haven't matured as much as I expected myself too. Marriage still seems a bit scary and makes me feel awfully nervous; but guess it's like the pre-stage fright that I had ever since I can remember. I would have trembling knees,sweating palms and a throbbing heart till my name is called and I get on stage;after that all that matters is that I give my best shot & always end up happy with whatever the result. I might not always end up with the first prize, but I never ended up a loser.

So waiting for my name to be called and to enter the stage.

Chingam 1st

2009-08-17T04:25:00.000-07:00

Don't know how familiar this word is to most of my friends who read my blogs. It is the New Year as per the Malayalam Calendar. The month when Onam is celebrated.

Unlike all these past years, this Chingam is very special to me.

Today, am stepping formally, full time into the career of my dreams. It's like I have got the wings to fly to my dream. My efforts, my passion, my dreams all have the same direction now but the wind surely has to be supportive. I need all the prayers, good wishes, motivation, support and healthy criticism I can.

More to say about what is so special about this (Mallu) New Year. But guess my heart is quite full to write anymore. Will catch up with more as soon as I get a grip on myself.

Till then am on celebration mode ! Yipeeeeeeee...............

[pic courtesy: google; reworked on request by Praveen Stanley Johnson]

Why Should I Marry ???

2009-07-12T22:25:00.000-07:00

Why should I marry???

* Because I am 23 years old?
* Because I have quit full-time studying and have started working too?
* Because the "world" thinks I'm almost past my ideal age to marry?
* Because other girls around my neighbourhood & cousins younger to me are getting married?
* Because it is long since my parents have had no answer to people's question as to why their youngest daughter ain't getting married?
* Because my elder sister (who is 10 years elder to me) is happily married and has a kid too.
* Because my marriage would "free" my parents of responsibilities?(as if it would)
* Because marriage is the key to happiness for a single girl? (the same world says the opposite to single men)
* Because getting married "must be" my ultimate goal in life which must be fulfilled "now" ?
* Because I "should be" desperate by now to marry?
* Because at my age all my dreams must encompass around the golden word "marriage" ?
* Because by now I must have a clear picture of the kind of guy I must be getting married to thus making it easier to find him?

Guess, the list goes endlessly on... but none convincing enough.

At Last ! ! !

2009-05-16T04:58:00.000-07:00

Shiva, an animated film is going to be aired on Cartoon Network from tomorrow, May 17th 2009. I happen to have contributed to its script and have dubbed for the character Devi Parvathy.

It surely isn't the dream work of mine, surely not the best I can; but surely marks the first step of my dream.. My name appears on screen for the first time and that too on Cartoon Network at Indian Prime Time 12 pm..

Gosh, am I excited??? bet on it.. i feel like the first grader who got her first school bag and new water bottles.. can't wait for tomorrow.. :)

At last, something is happening. And of course something is better than nothing.. :)

Vote

2009-04-23T03:42:00.000-07:00

Yea, i cast my first vote on 16th April 2008.

I entered into a classroom turned polling booth. All the officers inside the poll-booth looked like goons. Anyways, I was shocked to see about 25 names and symbols on the voting machine, wherein I had even remotely heard of just 5,even after trying my level best to know the candidates in my constituency. I wished I could have known all, but had to satisfy myself with voting for one from the five I knew. Anyways those who couldn't even make their presence felt, might never make any positive difference too..

On a whole am excited about the whole affair of casting my vote and even now proudly sport the ink mark on my left index finger; the proof of my voting power. :)

A Solution

2009-04-05T23:02:00.001-07:00

At last, i have found a way to make my vote count..

Thanks to my usual dose of reading random blogs, I came across a post from Chavvi in her blog " Nothing is Certain".

Go through it, the link to the post is http://chhavikhurana.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-vote-nobody.html .

Its great to know,that if there are just rotten apples in the bag,i can actually go and tell the authorities that i do not vote for anybody.

That is, rather than sitting home and choosing not to vote,in effect letting corrupt people become my representatives, I can walk up to the voting booth and say the same thing - that i would not vote for any of the rotten apples u have given me to choose from; and still make a difference with it.

There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel, and its a light which can be beneficial if all of us find it together, so lets hold hand and show others the light too.. The voter must know that he can study each candidate and if he does not find any worthy of his Vote,he can choose to Vote for nobody .

Most of us are ignorant of the fact and most of us we know might be unaware of such an option too. So as responsible citizens, lets take it upon ourselves to spread the word as much as it goes..

Me

2009-04-01T04:47:00.000-07:00

I am a chronic addict: Music my opium; Writing my alcohol; Reading my shot of nicotine...And I refuse therapy .

A statement that popped itself in my mind when I was lost in the world of my opium :)

Political Joke

2009-03-22T09:14:00.001-07:00

Some days back I received a call from a relatively unknown person , to woo me into campaigning for one of my Dad's friend who happens to be contesting for the coming elections from the place where I have done part of my schooling and college. Weird; esp because they chose me to do the task. Practical; because, if I have say about 300 contacts with youngsters in the place and I campaign them into voting for him; about 5 campaigners like me would guarantee him success.

But with due respect to the old man, I had to nod NO.. Just because I hate the politics of present day India (especially Kerala) and I hate the POLITICIANS who are responsible for the degeneration of healthy politics.

That put another question in my head. I must exercise my right to Vote and I would want to motivate all my friends to do the same. But whom do I vote for??? I am not any party's follower and I would want to vote for an able person, an individual I can be sure would be a fair representative of the masses. But till now I havn't come across one Contestant which could convince me as a voter to vote for him.

So that puts me in a dillemma. How would my vote count if I have to choose one from a basket full of rotten apples??? I don't like rotten apples, thus it doesn't make a difference if they are fully rotten or partially. But If I don't vote, I maybe letting the worst of the lot take away the game. If someone has a solution, please educate me. I hope I can make some difference by casting my vote.

Why can't the Election system be something similar to the one we had in school?? Where the entire class chose the contestants and the cass chose from among the contestants, who would monitor the class. Why can't the public suggest candidates, and not the parties?? When would we have young blood into politics who work on the true principles of politics and social welfare?? Or will we just witness the Political system in our country rot and wither away??

Realisation

2009-02-02T02:48:00.000-08:00

I was struck hard yesterday by none other than dear old pal Realisation. In this place, having a good intention, plans and support is not enough... One's entire plans and intentions can go down the drain if some anonymous group decides to have a violent strike for whatsoever crap reason.

Gosh, i just hate such cheap politics... However such goons managed to ruin my plans for City clean up on Sunday. :(

So i missed out on the opportunity and also on the fun that the others had...

Looking forward for next week!!!

Clean City

2009-01-31T00:15:00.000-08:00

Trivandrum, our dear old Thiruvananthapuram is surely a beautiful place; but like most cities in India, it surely can be a bit more cleaner. It hasn't been long since I have accepted Trivandrum too as "my place" but have always wanted it to be more tidier from the time I started staying here. But like all Indian citizens, I kept hoping that the authorities would do something about it. Though I knew it very well that nothing would happen unless we, the people, personally get into the act.

So thats one reason to jump and meet an opportunity when it knocks my door; especially so softly. A few yopungsters have joined hands and have come up with an initiative 'Tidy City' ( http://tidycity.org/blog/ ). So for the first activity, which happens to be a 2 hour Trivandrum Museum clean up on teh 1st of February( http://tidycity.org/blog/museum-clean-up-on-feb-1 ), I have joined in. I was happy to see that 10 of my friends in office too wanted to join and give a helping hand. So that sets 11 of us (the numbers might grow) marching towards the Museum on Sunday, of course in addition with a lot others. If any of my readers in Trivandrum would like to join us, Please do!!!

Another New Year- 2009

2009-01-07T22:41:00.000-08:00

So, 2008 just vanished!

Even after a whole week since New Year, i haven't yet made up my mind about the Resolutions for this year; especially because the entire list of last year's resolutions are still just resolutions.

hmmm.. ok i shall carry over the whole of last year's resolutions:

http://colouredmusings.blogspot.com/2008/01/new-year.html

and add just one more to it...

* I shall quit( or atleast try to reduce) being such a lazy - bone.

[ Photo courtesy: Some genius who shares my ideology clan]

Fashion

2008-11-10T03:03:00.000-08:00

Madhur Bhandarkar: the name itself brought in a lot of expectation.

Fashion held my interest, not just because of the trailers but also all the reviews and interviews said. So after a long gap, I went for the movie Fashion. The theatre gave a small hint- it was near empty, however that makes me more comfortable than otherwise. The movie starts, the music gives me goosebumps- but nothing that I would want to hear again; Priyanka Chopra, Kangana Ranaut, Mugdha Godse, along with all the other models in the movie make excellent eye candy, story line is good- could have been surely improvised. Madhur Bhandarkar with his cast had visited the Siddhivinayaka Temple for blessings. Mr Bhandarkar also feels that Fashion is his best movie till now, though I feel it would be Traffic Signal.

Anyway, the prayers seem to be granted. Kangane Ranaut gets a "Hats off to you" from me. A person with no background in modelling, did a terrrific job on the ramp.She had the attitude and grace which unfortunately even professional models like Priayanka and Mugdha could not outdo. Apart from all the skin shown by everyone on the movie, genuine acting is showcased by Kangana. Priyanka is not bad, but when compared she is quite down the graph.

As is Bhandarkar's style, girls steal the show in 'Fashion' too. Overall an OK movie. 2 and an half hour is fine; nothing more nothing less.

Drawing Class

2008-11-09T11:27:00.001-08:00

With God’s grace I have worked in the best of workplaces and I enjoyed every moment of working. My present office is full of artists who work magic with paper, pencils and the high tech comps and it’s as if I am a normal human being lost in a wonderland. Luckily, I myself sport enough eccentricity to be a part of them.

However, I am inspired like never before to draw/sketch. For all my buddies in school for whom I drew the record books and the ones who couldn’t stop praising all those beautiful art work I managed in the zoology & botany Record books; thanks for strengthening the illusion that I could draw. With me illusions have never taken much time to get shattered.

One typical day at work; senior artists on their routine creation of magic. The trainees being like small pixies learning to cast spells - the spells might go a bit haywire, yet the magic sure is there. I roam around these magicians in between my work. With a sudden unexpected speed I tell one of the senior artists that I want to learn to draw as well.

So that’s how the class starts. I take up a few sheets of drawing paper, several pencils and eraser eager to become a magician myself. My instructor instructs me in all seriousness to draw circles of all size in free hand. My hopes get thwarted. I guess I was looking for some sort of a crash course. Still I tried to do it for about 5 minutes, while my patience ran out.

And that’s how the class ended. I decide that am better off as a simple normal human than a magician.
[ Does it remind you of a fox and some grapes which turn out sour??? ]

1 Rupee Rides

2008-09-25T23:37:00.000-07:00

Those were the days.

B.H.E.L. Township ; gang of kids of different ages with a single obsession- bicycle ; baby Meenakshi a 7 year old gang member - a gang memeber whose parents felt she was too small to ride a cycle; a rundown shop, Subhash Bhai's cyle shop- ranging from cycle repairs to cycle rentals; one rupee per hour for a cycle; baby M's half pedal efforts; the several falls; broken knee & elbows; a complete year of undying dedication and baby M was competing guys in the team on stunts; got to ride sister's BIG cycle too.....

But all thanks to dear old Subhash Bhai- who made those one rupee rides possible( and after some months at a discounted fifty paise).

Waiting to be back

2008-06-23T01:23:00.000-07:00

Dear dear Blog....

By no chance have I forgotten you nor do I have any intention of avoiding you... There are oodles and oodle of things happening... and as soon as i sort everything, i will be back with a bang to shower you with each and everything to make up for the time you felt neglected and unused...

Till then pray for me !!!

Illusions

2008-01-06T21:32:00.000-08:00

Illusions don't last long...

Nor do wishes...

However hopes do last till one dies...

Am dead ;

no illusions, no wishes, no dreams, no hopes.

The only thing that reminds me of life is the jarring pain that lingers;

lingers as a continuum and omnipotent.

( Photo cortesy : Mr Arun Syamalan )

New Year 2008 .

2008-01-04T02:54:00.001-08:00

New Year New Year. :)

the beginning is too good. hope it goes on just like this..

this new year has in store for me ample crucial issues:
All of which I have taken upon myself with equal zeal and commitment.
Hope I get through it all.

As usual i have made my set of resolutions:

1). I shall write and maintain my daily diary ( though am still looking for a beautiful diary to start doing so).

2). I shall work-out without fail. ( its high time to change my shape from round to a more feminine one).

3). I am gonna revert back to my old time habit of keeping up personal relationship with God ( Its my experience that He/ She is a great buddy but equally worse enemy.... )

4). I am going to try to be more feminine. I am gonna try to grow nails, have a fancy hair cut, keep my tresses and skin pampered with the basics- Henna, pedicure, massage and whatever craps they say, carry an umbrella against the sun( Gosh , that already sounds impossible), even try to change the way i walk [ This resolution am sure i'll have to break at some point of time].

Guys, believe me its real hard to be feminine, and all those gals who do it or are born that way, my Hats off to you!

5). I am gonna remember my friends B'days and at least drop in a line of email or an ecard without fail and ON TIME.

( i always want to do this, but i dont know how i mess it up. i just am too lazy i suppose- But for my friends attention, believe me whether u get my card or not, call or not, email or not ; if u were ever one of my close frineds, u are there in my heart in the special corners for u.)

6). Am gonna study laboriously, atleast for the initial 5-6 months [Hope I do not suffer from brain damage- caused out of over work. ]

7). I will try my level best to control my anger and my mood swings.

8). I will try to be more diplomatic and try not to hurt even those nasty pigs who occasionally bring me to the verge of murder .

[But its actually nice to be myself and scream the frustration out and to be least bothered to think of the outcome ].

9). I will keep my room clean and will try to keep it that way for more than a week; also i will do the maintainance work every weekend too ( Gosh! am gonna miss all my rubbish)

10). Read newspapers and magazines regularly (compulsorily).

Thats all that the list holds. Small list.... but only I know how difficult it would be to successfully conquer these.

What if all this happens???

Lo and Behold...
*poooff*
I am gonna be someone else, who would be a complete stranger even to myself..

lol; but if its for good, am game for it..

2008, am ready for you [ in battle gear ] ...

Saviour

2007-12-07T02:11:00.000-08:00

If a person runs out of talk time on a Sunday eve the person is doomed; at least till Monday morning…..

Is it???? Not really**

With Saviors out on the road; and surprisingly on the Trivandrum roads….

An urgent call to make; 30 paise balance; search for a recharge shop; dejected ; disappointed; silently calling those shopkeepers who don’t open shops on Sundays names; wondering what next to do…..That’s when the “lady in distress” stumbles upon the Samaritan handicapped “beggar”. The conversation goes as follows:

Beggar(hereafter as B): “What do you want?”
Lady(hereafter as L): “Will this shop open?”(pointing to a shop adjacent to the temple in front of which the beggar was seated)
B: “No, What do you want?”
L: “Recharge Card”
B: “Which Connection?”
Lady a bit confused a bit irritated considers walking away. But somehow manages
L: “Airtel”
B: “For what amount?”

With those words the person dug his hand into the ragged cloth bag next to him and produced several recharge cards.

The Lady was ecstatic. she had intended to buy just the minimum of 20Rs card, she was so overwhelmed that she bought a card for 100 Rs/-.
The surprise package wasn’t over; the Beggar spoke to the Lady in Malayalam, Tamil and Telugu…
The Lady was impressed….She had to be ‘cause she dint know Tamil and Telgu.
The Lady was happy…she got talk time and the urgent call was dealt with satisfactorily…

She thanked God….and surely the modest person on the road; whom others might call a beggar but for her no less than a “Savior”

She thanked God….”Thank you God for not bounding capability and enterprise just to a few people”

She pleaded to God…”God please let people with capabilities and inner strength and vision make name& fame in the world and not go unnoticed….”

God in his heaven, Lady in her house, the person humbly serving people near the temple; Alls well with the world…[Hopefully].

Purple

2007-11-05T19:29:00.000-08:00

He leaned against the wall. All he could see upto the horizon was a dry, empty land, a barrenness rivaled only by the emptiness he felt inside.

It had been twenty two years since he had first stood by this wall. Everyday since then he had been drawn to it to stand in front of it wondering what was on the other side imagining, dreaming until it was no longer just a wall but a doorway to a life, a life he had never lived… if only he could find the key.

For twenty-two years he had been drawn to that wall like a dying man drawn towards God and for twenty two years he had been trying to get to the other side. He couldn’t go around it. He had tried, tried walking along the wall all day and night, hoping and praying that it would end until he couldn’t move another foot, couldn’t take another step, until he collapsed into a heap, crying and laughing hysterically at his failure of such seemingly simple task, his failure to get to the other side.

But that did not deter him. If he couldn’t go around it , he would try going above it but no matter how much he tried, he was always two inches too short. After what seemed like eternity he tried the next possibility, going under it. He began to dig and dig and dig until his hands were so raw, that the dry sand was permanently stained red.

But he could not give up now. Not after all these years, not after all this blood, sweat and tears. He started on his new plan – he would go through the wall. Everyday he would bring a boulder and crash it against the wall again and again until he would break into tiny pebbles; hoping that the wall would break any day, that the wall will crack, that the wall will at least be scarred but nothing happened. All he had was a heap of pebbles which seemed to touch the sky.

Suddenly a thought occurred to him. He moved the pebbles towards the wall and started climbing, clawing his way over the wall until he got to the top and then fell to the ground on the other side. He kept his eyes tightly shut waiting for the perfect moment. It was nearing dusk and the sky was purple with streaks of crimson gold as though the painter had felt that it required something extra to keep it burning. He sat up, slowly opened his eyes. He smiled.

He leaned against the wall. All he could see upto the horizon was a dry empty land, barrenness rivaled only by the emptiness he felt inside.

Onam Kazchakkal

2007-08-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

I had a moving view of Onam in people’s life, thanks to the emergency hospital trip. I was in pain, in a kind of panic-driven state and I wanted to shift my attention. The roadside views were perfect. Everything provoked thought; at times happy thought, at times sympathetic ones, at times a brief though followed dutifully by a sarcastic smile.

Every junction was blaring songs on speakers…either Hindi Album songs or Tamil hits.
Great, just what was needed for Onam!

Men-folk were mostly drunk – their legs hardly had any idea where they were going.
Perfect, Mahabali must be pleased!

Kids in new attire, in all happiness and vigor of festivity.
Cute!

Most junctions & courtyards having a bunch of people playing cards.
Good. Gaming spirit.

A verandah with an old ammumma & appupan. Appupan sipping something in a steel glass( presuming it to be payasam) while the Ammumma peers at our vehicle with a peculiar gleam in the eyes and a radiant smile on her face. Swiftly the gleam and smile disappear and a momentary sadness occupies. But just for a second. The lady again peps up and continues her wait.
Sympathy. Imagining their loneliness.
Resolution. To try my level best to see that my parents don’t face a similar fate later.
Understanding. How hard and painful yet in a strange way fulfilling parenting can be.
Afterthought. Will my Onams be like theirs after another 50years?
Prayer. God , PLEASE let Onam be very very special & full of happiness for all parents.

Since I was in terrible pain, I hope God did listen to my prayer.
For I know he made my parents happy again (as my pain was brought under control and I was back to normal)...

I Slept Last Night

2007-07-18T23:11:00.000-07:00

I slept last night. Without studying, without reading, without music, without any sign of my normal nights. It struck me strange. Not that I was not sad. I was. Not that I was not happy. I was. But somehow my mind refused to fight. It was like, none of the emotions wanted to win. Both just wanted to snuggle together and sleep on the bed of my heart. I let them be. It was strangely heavier. Usually before I doze off, a fight among the two ensues. One of them wins and the winner prevails the whole night through - till dawn hits with the expectations and hopes of a brand new day. When the gloom overpowers the joy of the day, the path to sleep is teary. But when the joy scores above the gloom, the sleep is glut, troubled only by the mosquitoes and the archaic fear of ants walking into my ears.

I slept last night. I didn’t want to; I was not prepared to. But I slept. There was a time not long back that I loved to sleep. 10pm to 5-6 am was time aside for sleep only. Not that I wanted to awake at 5 am or even 6 am; but in my home it was illegal to sleep after 6. No exemptions on Sundays also. It was compulsory to study early in the morning. Reason? “ What u study in Brahma muhurath ,u never forget”. Yea maybe. I don’t know ‘cos I never studied in ‘Brahma muhurath’. Used to sit with the book open and mind used to wander through pavements of sleep. It was not until I reached college that I was able to study at my own time. I’m a person of the night. I just love staying up late in the night to study. The night is so dark, so beautifully mysterious. So calm and so unsettlingly silent. It was hectic. Study time stretched anytime till 2-2.30am but sleep had to be lazily snatched away from my tired eyes maximum by 6.30. Had to travel a good 1 and a half hour in a crowded irritatingly slow KSRTC bus to college. But all was worth it. I enjoyed every bit of it. Except the first half waking hour, where I felt a bit groggy. I don’t know when but slowly sleep abandoned me like an hurt lover.

I slept last night. One of my most unusual sleep. I dreamt in color- my very first color dream.”. Its very rare that I dream. In a score and an odd year, I have had only two dreams that I remember. Having studied a lot about dream and dream content, I know I might have seen lot many which just got erased from my memory. But then why didn’t this dream wipe itself off too? Why did I have to dream just yesterday? And a dream so confusing? Sigmund Freud says dreams are the “road to unconscious” mm… I’m putting off the illustration of the dream for later times. Yet it makes me brood.

I slept last night. But I hope I don’t sleep tonight, without my emotions fighting and one of them winning. Its so frustrating when even my emotions and mind doesn’t work the way I expect them to. I have learned to cope with unpredictability with men/women. It amuses me now. I can’t and don’t want my emotions and feeling factors to be out of my control. No way!

I slept last night. I might sleep tonight too, but not like yesterday. Or I might not sleep at all….

College College...

2007-06-25T03:52:00.000-07:00

Its strange how one can miss things of past which were when in the present,not at all liked....i never thought I'll miss my college...actually I don't....I still visit my school whenever time and situation allows...But I know,Once I collect my Marklist and am through with all the formalities ,that is, done with whatever needs to be done,I won't really want to keep visiting my college,though I'd really love to meet my classmates,juniors,NCC juniors (whom I can meet outside as welll) and most importantly my professors (my department's proffesors) and the Principal....And am just waiting eagerly for December 27th.....thats the date scheduled for PsychoGang Reunion 2007 ....Hope all of us make time to reach College that day.....And am missing my friends and collegemates all the more sitting here doing what am doing......I surely don't want to relive those days but those memories of naughtiness,frolic,immense responsibility,discipline,stress,expectations all in such diverse quantities........ ITS SEEMS SO STRANGE..Its like thirty five rivers from different regions somehow got to meet and flow together for 3 long-short years..in between which there were ripples,clashes,shallow and deeper moments...but no matter what,at the end of the day the rivers flowed together....and now suddenly the rivers have broken out and are out in different directions... . The river called Meenakshi is happy to have broken ways and to have got wings to explore the beautiful/cruel world(whichever applies-am out to explore it), but at times the river breaks down in involuntary tears reminiscing those days of having a Gang........ God knows how much I miss my gang..... But there are surely the positive aspects too.... i get ample of time to spend with myself.. I am in the process of knowing myself better (sounds crazy,i know),am able to give more time for myself,to hear those uncountable silent voices within me,to probe deeper into my unconsciousness,to experiment with myself,to give time to things i always wanted to deal with........so on .

I just assume that am getting a bargain on life...... lol..

Motivator : (Part 2) Lt. Col. Ashwini Sudan

2007-06-22T03:53:00.000-07:00

This can also be seen as a continuation to my earlier article : "Motivated and Disciplined"...

The next motivator I write here is none other than my "Sudan Sir"..I got the priviledge of meeting and knowing him so well through NCC.I met Lt.Col. Ashwini Sudan sir at my first NCC camp in Peppara on december 23rd.He was the deputy camp commandant [The camp commandant was Col. Abraham Habbi].the first time he spoke to me was in regard with a poem that i had submitted on demand of Col. Habbi....and I was kind-of intrigued by Sudan Sir.He was a complete mis-match with the stereotype i held for military officers..he had his hair cut in Shahrukh khan like style.he was a bit plump.. yet I was impressed with him....
Reasons????? God,there are soooooo many..
1). He was..sorry IS intelligent..infact the only person other than my sister whom i look up on as extremely intelligent /knowledgeable.

2). He was down to earth and so approachable yet so charmingly no-nonsense.

3). His strategy was inspirational- Management gurus need to take a tip or two from him. He is kind,considerate and approachable to people around him-even his cook,drivers,the kids,the other officers and simply make them fall in love with him...and once the work is done he knows they'll act exactly in accordance to his terms....

4). Somehow very charmingly,he also let people around him understand that he had another side to the persona- the tough colonel....which no one wanted to see...

5). He was always a father figure to me and he lives up to it sooo subtly...

6). He was the person other than my sister who stressed me to aspire for something (the same that my sister told me to pursue) and in a way that i have agreed and am working on it to my maximum ( i say so..he feels i need to put in more...lol)

7).Every camp or time I spent with him around was a lesson in itself...so much to learn...so memorable.

8). There are so many reasons and soo much to write about him.....

Sir, if you read this ,this is not all I have to say about you....You have motivated me in a way I have no way to describe...and the charm with which you keep in touch just to make sure that I don't stagger in between and embark a path away from the aspired one...and being as genuinely concerned about me as usually just closest family members are capable of....

Thank you is a word that can never bring out the respect and feeling I have for you...But which word can ever do justice to this very special Bond.....Thanks a ton...And am glad I know Padma Madam,Aditya and Aishwarya (his wife and kids) through you........hope this bond and motivation is with me for ever......

Motivator : (Part 1) - Radhika Nair

2007-04-28T08:57:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a series of the most important motivators in my life uptill now....This is my way of saying to them how special they are for me and how much I will be their 'cheli ' allthrough my life,no matter what position I achieve in life.

The first and foremost motivator for me was none other than my sister,Radhika Nair.She was and is the most important of all my motivators.She was the one who initiated me into the world of writing poems,stories,articles,etc.She made me believe that the careless jottings i made behind my notebooks were quite nice poetry in themselves.I thought about it and gave few touches to one such scribbling and Chechu sent it to a local newspaper named "National Mail ".Thats how my first poem was published in a newspaper when i was in 5th...It was so thrilling.
Then came the studying part.She was the only person at home who said that it was not necessary to get cent percent marks in the exam,but just to make sure that u always keep up an above average performance in studies.She was the only person at home who motivated and encouraged me to read library books,and surprisingly not necessarily the encyclopedias or quiz books but to explore the fiction section too..which i did quite happily and with a zeal that still hasn't left me.Thanx to her am in love with books ,the way I am.She was the one who motivated me to participate in competitions to excel in performance not just to win prizes-she always said that prizes were just bonus,it is important to go on stage and perform your best.She was the one who made me feel at ease on stage.She was the one who always made me feel that I am the best.She was the one who always had her way of making me do just as she wants.She was and is the only one I admire without any boundaries and get inspired from anytime.She was the one who successfully bridged the huge age-gap between us with so much elan,that i felt that I too must have kids with huge age-gaps.She was the only human in the world I felt hurt on hurting.She was such an ideal sister,daughter,friend,teacher(though she could be a devil on the nights before my Maths exam-especially when she asked me questions in the middle of the night till when she would keep me awake to teach me----how i hated her on those nights just before the maths exams),{and now-}wife,mother,etc that she inspires me to deliver the life-roles in my life in the best possible manner too.She was the first one to direct me to my ambiton in life.She was the one who gave me the courage to dream about it.She was the one who told me I had wings with enough strength to fly over to those high clouds she had helped me to fix gaze at.
Had it not been for her,I would certainly not have ended up the way I have.She was the one who taught me to dream.She was the one who gave me the right wind to fly and explore my chances in life.She was the first one to put her complete trust on me.She was the one who fought for me to give me the freedom she never got.Though now, she kind-of cribs that I am given too much freedom which she was completely deprived of,I know she is thoroughly happy that I have grown to be an independent girl(ofcourse she does regrets at times that a bit too much independent{lol,but wat in this world doesn't have a side-effect})

This acknowledgement was long due to her.But even if said or not,her role in making me what I am is inevitably relevant.She might know all this ,but there is something she might not know,because of the way I am;so mysterious and shy to express my deep feelings-the way I feel for her...Chechu,you are one of the most precious gem in my life....Love you more than I would ever confess in words.

Creation

2007-04-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

My earlier post on woman had my personal opinion of a woman....but i read in a book about the making of God ; and am I smiling and nodding in acceptace???Yes I am....the words and the imagination of creation of woman is so pure and so enchanting that i have decided to put it on my blog...

wat follows(in bold italics) is not my original work of writing but the lines i remember from that book ....

"...The Creator took the roundness of the moon,the flexibility of a clinging vine and the trembling of grass,the slenderness of a reed and the blossoming of flowers,the lightness of leaves and the serenity of the rays of sunshine,the tears of the clouds and the instability of the wind,the fearfullness of a rabbit and the vanity of a peacock,the softness of a bird's breast and the hardness of diamond,the sweetness of honey and the cruelty of a tiger,the burning of fire and the coolness of snow,the talkativeness of a magpie and the singing of a nightingale,the falseness of a crane and the faithfullness of a mother lion.

Mixing all these non-solid elements together,the Creator created the WOMAN..."

The wide conflict of behaviour and temperament in a woman and among women is brought out subtly in the above words and there would surely be one or more attributes of a woman we would agree as true and correlating to the opinion and experience on women from the day to day life we lead in the society..........

whether that opinion is good or bad,one has to agree that Woman is a unique creation of God....Without whom the propagation of life in itself would be doomed!!!

:-)

Woman

2007-04-07T01:44:00.000-07:00

Being a Woman,i know and can feel a strange sense of unknown superiority and at the same time a strange sense of submission.I have felt the Ups and at times the deep Downs.and i know that i have so much more to witness in life.Despite the huge coverage of woman-suffering,i feel no dread of the future.not just because i know i am a member of the "safer" women in the world but because i have a Dream.A dream i will strive hard to live.
The path may not be easy,I am sure,but I know I will attain it.I know I can.At a much earlier age,when i was just stepping out of my childhood and the womanly realities in life were staring hard at my face,I had spent several weeks crying over being born a girl.Contrary thoughts were not easy to develop.When freedom was an issue,i always lost because i am a girl.I love seeing and talking to the stars in a solitary calm place,but where can i get it except at the terrace of my home;again since i am a girl.The pain associated in being a woman also irked me a lot.Why should God be so partial to Men???Why should Women always be the sacrificers???Why should Women bear with pain for almost all the best years of their life while Men are spared???Why should only Women be given the cumbersome experience and pain of giving birth to a child???Why didn't God give Men the ability to bear child as well???Why should some things be so pleasurable for men while the same activities are painful and dreaded by women???Why does certain behaviour by the Men are forgiven/forgotten/never seen as wrong whereas the same from a Woman evokes wrath.
These strings of negative thoughts on being a girl flooded my brains for almost all my early teenage.But these thought have changed so drastically now,that i myself am astonished.
God knew that Men would never be able to tolerate emotional and physical pain(exceptions allowed-but talking about the general findings here) for so long and for such prolonged manner.God knew that only a Woman can give birth to a child and love him/her more than oneself.God knows that women alone can be epitomes of sacrifice and unconditional love.God chose only Woman to give birth to kids because He knew that only Women can don His role and give such effective assistance to His work of loving and caring for all of His creations.Woman is superior by the way they are capable of giving birth to a child;by bringing up the child effectively;by influencing the life of her family so prominently yet so subtly;by being emotionally manifold stronger;by bearing all pain with a smile throughout;by giving love,care and pleasure to an entire household;by being the strongest pillar of her family;by cooking,washing,cleaning,etc. showing that she is the centre of their life without whom life would be pathetic,hard,dirtyand hay-wire;by sacrificing her pleasures and choices for her family or rather blending her choices and pleasures with those of the others and thus getting happiness from them.She is submissive by way of her love;by the way she let go of things,by the way she is ready to do/bear anything for the well-being or happiness of her home;and through so many other ways...all acts of submissiveness yet projecting her greatness without fail.

Women again are not all good,just as all Men are not all good.But when a Man is not good,a good Woman can bring him back to goodness with her love and her will-power.But get a Woman who is not good and employ scores of good men for years on end,yet one cannot bring her to change what she is...Thats why someone great said that"A woman decides the fate of a family".
I am proud and happy that i have a good woman as my mother,and i wish that i live up to be a good Woman as well.

UNoriginal

2007-02-18T20:21:00.000-08:00

This link was so cute and so touching that i couldn't help put it in my all-original only blog....so am sorry for including this work which is not my original ...just a piece that has touched me immensely...check it out....its cute...

http://www.touchninspire.com/romantic/everything.html

Farewell

2007-01-14T06:58:00.000-08:00

Three years of studying together...cracking jokes,shoulders to cry on,cold wars,competitions,unity in thought,revolting to lots of stuff around,and with much much more...v were a family of 35...internal fights,jealousy,rivalry not withstandingly a part of our relations...but after all a regard prevails among all of us...three years is no short duration,but it seems so small when its almost appraching an end...time seems to be seeping out of our hands...soon our exams would be over..soon we would be bidding farewell to each other promising to keep in touch always ....but unsure if the roads that lay ahead would leave scope for it...
i know its life..and life has to go on and on...but i wish that we would always remain in each others memories as a special happy part which cannot be forgotten ....a feeling that will guarantee that in yester years when we meet knowingly or unknowingly,the love we foster today still remains and expresses not in words but from the tears that would well up in our eyes ....
Farewell....it is always such a difficult word to utter.........

Dear F.M.N.C

2006-11-01T17:25:00.000-08:00

A phase of life seems so beautiful and unforgettable especially when it nears its end….

I felt it when my school days in St. Theresa’s was ending, when my school days in Amrita were ending….true, I still feel the same…but the feeling that ‘existence beyond this would be bland’ vanished much before I thought it would…I never found college life as wonderful or golden as many say...I simply fail to attach any such flowery adjective to my college life….maybe because I always compare it to my two wonderful school life experiences; I mean all aspects…the principal, the teachers, the classmates, the non teaching staff, the psychological environment, everything…The college is so different. Supposedly more free than school; but everything and anything the student does is scrutinized under the glare of suspicion .maybe that is just the characteristic of my college, which is unanimously adjudged by the students as lower primary school...Hehehe…but that too seems weird; a college that is famous and reputed provides a different life from that of a local college where no one cares what u do and have no concern about reaping good results or good individuals. Then what is the real college life? The one a reputed college provides or the one the normal college gives? should we compromise with our future for being able to enjoy the college life?...i knew I don’t want to compromise with it…I didn’t care about having a good time…I already had lots and knew would have more fun days ahead if I make something out of myself..

So college life was quite without excitement for me. it was quite automatic..Studies, my beloved extra-curricular, my books, the library….

But now when I have just months left before I bid adieu to this campus ; I look back and can remember so many events that make me think, I was lucky to have come here to study…I’ll miss this college life, my classmates, my seniors, my juniors, the department, the professors, our “Achhayan”(our lab assistant, we call him achhayan-his name is Yesudas and he is also a writer with many Malayalam books to his credit.),the Achhayans of Botany Department which is next to our department, the Achhayans in the library, the girls canteen, the ice cream parlor of our college, the cooperative store…….

I’ll miss u F.M.N.C………………. :-(

Blogging

2006-10-10T18:48:00.000-07:00

Blogging has sort of become my hobby. Mmm…not bad. At least it would save me the amount I yearly spend on diaries. I enjoy and love reading the diaries I have written before; at times they seem too silly to be true. However it’s nice to get in touch with the emotions I experienced in past situations; although the situation elicits a very different emotion/reaction in me now….but I love the innocence, the naive ness in me then….5 years down the lane, when I turn back and read this, maybe ill have similar feelings...Hehehe

Another good thing is ill be able to get myself in the reach of farther generations. my diaries will hardly last till my children’s generation ;-)…but blogs will surely get to my great great grandchildren. They’ll know how their great great grandmother was and a bond of familiarity will be maintained with my “Blood-lings” much after I’m gone…hehehe…sounds silly, huh???

Yep!!!My silly evaluations of the past, silly visions of the unseen future ….and the seemingly sane present.........

Best Friends

2006-10-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

Mmm…a very touchy issue. I make myself to get into that part of my memories; and I’ll ruin my mood for the entire week. So I abort my thoughts here itself.

I’ll get back to the topic when am in such a good emotional state that nothing would take me downhill the slope…

See, this is the disadvantage of being an emotional fool!!!

Missing Old Days!!!

2006-10-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

This is the first time in my life that I haven’t kept my Books for saraswati pooja…..so much to study and a seminar to be conducted on Tuesday, I can’t afford to lose 2 days of study time……but I miss my pooja holidays…..when I look back, pooja holidays were so beautiful, but when I try looking into the future pooja holidays seem blank….would I be able to keep Books on pooja next year? Would time allow that? Or is this part of the year never gonna give me those carefree 2 days of frolic ever again, unlike yester years???

Childhood, I miss you!!!

Birthdays

2006-10-01T08:20:00.000-07:00

Birthdays used to seem so important when I was a kid……now they seem so much like an ordinary day…as a kid I used to start counting the days left for my birthday from mid-august itself…now, I don’t feel the excitement even on 21st eve….never mind…till now, my 18th,20th and 21st(the one I celebrated last month) are the best…my 18th bday was in Bangalore with my hostel mates and sister & jijaji…20th Bday in a camp in Army area,Pangode(tvm)….and this last bday in my home and in college with the best people in my life…..best people who I know will be with me throughout my life…..next Bday I might be physically away from them….but ill be in their hearts just as they will be in mine…I might never again have a Bday like the one I just had…but I hope for the sake of that day of the year ,I commit no mistake to hurt the feelings of my loved ones, commit no mistake that they wont be able to forgive, commit no mistake that would shatter my self-love or self-esteem…….

Anyway, that entire aside…this year’s Bday-22 September 2006 was in all sense a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Motivated and Disciplined!!

2006-09-06T04:24:00.000-07:00

First year in college…
I knew I wont be just a studious 100% attendance holder in class, I need to be active in extra-curricular…so that am not just the best in class (that wasn’t enough for the insatiable devil in me)…I needed to be best in the college too…I have managed to be that (at least one among the bests) in both my prior schools….But I had my doubts…which activity?

Since I knew college demanded more time and more studies, I didn’t want to get into any activity that might demand my time and attention away from studies….so I decided to join any active Organization…the first organization I joined was N.S.S (National Service Scheme). The second was A.I.C.U.F(All India Catholic University Federation),I joined this group despite the fact that am not a catholic because the organizations activity mainly included social service, personality development, meditation, etc…then I joined N.C.C(National Cadet Corps)-the last but the most influential one….

An Army Officer (Lt.Col. Abraham Habbi) came to preside over the first year students’ gathering to give an orientation of the Organization was among the ones who sat in the balcony(silently admiring the Officer)..He gave a very impressive speech, the most inspiring speech in my entire life till then…and at the end of the meeting when he called forth all the students who wanted to join, I found myself lining up…

Even when I gave my name for enrollment, I wasn’t sure my parents would allow….a wonderful thanks to them. They gave me the green signal without any fuss….their only condition was-“No Compromise in Studies”, which I readily agreed to…

And from then, I joined NCC and have grown in the organization from a Cadet to a Senior Under Officer (SUO) and the Girls wing senior of the college…I conduct classes on spoken languages-English and Hindi(doing the Hindi bit is more tiresome specially because am in Kerala),I handle the cultural activity classes, I handle almost everything our college’s ANO(Assigned NCC Officer-is a professor of our college) deputes me to….all of these is not an easy task and specially now, when am in my final year of graduation…..But still I do it…

Final year in college…
Am I vain or proud? Or both??...I may be proud…to be a part of this wonderful organization. and am keen to give back to the organization by contributing to the new Cadets and arousing a deep interest in them…which Col. Abraham Habbi(he got promoted last year) invoked in me….My happiest moment was when I addressed this year’s(2006-2007) first year students in the same place in which Col. Habbi did 2 years back to a gathering including me….the response was wonderful…and I hope I have managed to motivate at least a few students in the way Habbi sir managed to motivate me…

Reservations

2006-09-02T03:03:00.000-07:00

Seems like one of the topics, I won’t venture to write about??? Wrong…the reservation issue irked me like it did to lots of people.

Where is India leading itself to??
What happened to the constitution that stood firmly against caste discrimination??
Isn’t this reservation a positive discrimination of the so-called lower castes and a negative discrimination of the so-called upper castes??
Isn’t it high time we took off even the reservation that existed earlier??

The reservation is not only disheartening for the ineligible but also for those of us who are eligible. Isn’t such increased reservation trying to shout out several negative statements? Are the SC’s or ST’s any less competent? Are those of the so called upper castes so bloody competent that the others don’t stand a chance? Please; it is absolutely not the case.

The SCs, STs and OBCs are actually being lifted with a harsh rope which leaves a scar and pain whereas they have been gifted with wings by God to soar high just like everyone else.

In today’s scenario, when the society in general does not discriminate among castes in friendships, relations and interactions, why should there exist discrimination for educational and job opportunities. It seems outright unfair.

I am not against reservations. I understand there are sections in our society that need help to emerge as equals. The biggest discrimination society has is of the rich and the poor. Those downtrodden, poverty-stricken people must be given a hand of help-however not by quotas but by means of scholarships, sponsorships, financial assistance and the rest must be left on caliber. Even such reservations must not be given in job opportunities. Aid must be provided to study; to gain knowledge…the job-sector must be open to all in an unbiased manner on the recruiters or Government’s specific needs-not on the basis of which caste or creed one belongs to.

In today’s competitive world it is only fair that everyone demands equal opportunities and gets it. Human efficiency, caliber, dedication, aptitude must be considered not the caste into which one is born. When a person is apt but cannot financially back oneself; aid must be given.

I strongly feel so; but if anyone of you feels am wrong-then you can show me reason, if u feel am right-add on your feelings…my comment box is open for you all…..

School-2

2006-08-20T02:06:00.001-07:00

My second school was Amrita Sanskrit H.S. School-one of the chain of Amrita Vidyalaya’s by Mata Amritanandamayi Amma’s Trust. My first impression-Yuck! Firstly the idea of coming to kerala leaving my school, friends and my Bhopal was too painful and unargeeable for me. I was in kerala only because I had no other way. And studying in a Demigod’s school….I had my doubts. Sanskrit school???Please, I‘d prefer to study in an English medium school. Yes I agree I did study Sanskrit too in my earlier school and Sheelpandya madam did a good job of teaching it, but please give me a language I am comfortable in-English, Hindi…
However since that was the closest school (in comparison to other reputed schools) and I could study from home and had no need to live in boarding and it was an english medium school(despite the name); I ended up in that school...
My first day in school is still afresh in my mind. The uniform was salwar kameez (my uniform in St. Theresa’s was a knee length tunic).the hair need not be tied in two, no compulsion on braiding the long hair, no compulsion on ribbons. One could wear heavy gold ornaments too (everyone did).no shoes and socks-one could wear their fanciest sandals to school. No tie and no belt. I had trouble myself getting accustomed to the uniform…I was used only to a small stud of gold earring and by habit, I hated wearing gold chains and earrings and bangles and rings…I remember my aunt coaxing me to wear at least one gold chain and two bangles to school…in school, I didn’t feel like I was in school at all…girls with long hair, let their hair loose and came to school wearing jasmine garlands in the hair. Wednesdays and Saturdays we could come to school in color dress…in my earlier school we could come to school in color dress on two occasions-one’s birthday and on children’s day.
I felt extremely out of place in the classroom…I sat in the last bench. I didn’t speak to anyone in class…the mode of explanation I found was Malayalam…though the syllabus was English medium and the ‘Sanskrit’ in the schools name was meant to let the public know that the school offers Sanskrit as a second language (not very common in kerala).i didn’t care for anyone in class…I was happy by myself .I used to speak quite audibly and mostly in English, which my classmates found to be strange (specially for a gal-Strange kerala) Who cared???Not me anyway. This lack of friends and the frustration I felt led me closer to studies- I was never a nerd, but I became one.
All this made me quite a disliked person in school. till date I don’t know how I got over it and how I became friends with not only my classmates, but my seniors,juniors,everyone.life became colorful once again…this school gave me the stage to perform in district and state level competitions and win. one remarkable thing this school managed to make me do was make me dance solo “nadodi nritham”-self learned; not only in school level competitions(in which I came first) but also in the district level(where I managed an A grade).I became the” Kala Thilakom” of the school…never before and never after did I dance solo. Happy I did when I did.
The school, teachers, my friends, my experiences have all added color to my life and am happy I joined it and nowhere else. Even today after 3 years of leaving the school; I freely enter the school staffroom and bask in the love my teachers shower, proudly and happily find juniors and seniors and classmates recognizing and remembering me, to be identified by teachers of schools I have never been to… And being a Demigod’s school-the school never did any activity I could accuse as uncivil. About the school rules (dress code, etc.)I now understand that’s the only way an Aided (by Govt.) school can be…I am happy and proud that I studied in the two best schools I could have ever come across-the schools have a major role in what I am today, how I am today, who I am today and whatever ill be in future…Hats off to my schools!!!

School-1

2006-06-26T17:51:00.000-07:00

I miss my school more than anything…..of course my school life would be complete only with my friends, teachers and the Principal of those days. I have studied in two schools. In a Christian missionary school, St.Theresa’s Convent School in Bhopal (M.P) till my 10th and after that 2 years in Amrita Vidyalayam in Kerala. Life in both the schools was absolutely different.
My first school was a strict and extremely disciplined school. However strict it was, it was never rigid. It is there that I learned my values which I still hold fast (as much is humanly possible).It is there that I got the habit of being popular in school. The school made me believe in excellence and I still do. The school shaped my relationship tasks, it taught me independence, it taught me the smile and let go attitude…….It taught me so many things that it would be difficult to list everything the school gave and taught. Above all the School gave me the best years in my life.
Its said that a child’s most important developmental tasks are reinforced in school. Only a good and efficient school can aid in the balanced and timely development of a child. I am really grateful to my School for being everything I could ever expect from a School. It is because of my school that I bloomed into what I am now.
My second school was quite different from my first school……but no less colorful. About my experiences in that school…..I will soon post it.

Expectations

2006-05-20T16:56:00.000-07:00

EXPECTATION
Expectation is one's biggest foe in life.
Expectation breeds disappointment and disappointment gives way to gloom.
Is it?????
I had a chapter in my English text “A Disappointed Man” by Robert Lynd .It dealt with this same theme of ‘expectation breeds disappointment’. The solution according to him was that we must not expect anything. We must anticipate worse to be happy with the result.
But I cannot agree. How can I? If at this age I don’t expect anything from life, when will I? My life is built up on expectations; expectations from others and myself. Mostly, I succeed in coming up to my expectation; at least I try. But several times I have been unable to come up to the expectations other’s set for me. Either they are too high for my caliber or I’m quite lazy. :-)
Expectations are my way of looking ahead lovingly at life. I expect wonderful things to happen to me and to people who are all part of my life. I expect good things to happen in future, so I work pleasantly in the present waiting for the joy. Life may not always be as good as I expected, but it has never been unlivable. I feel that is fair enough. I also tend not to expect too much from people. Simple things like love, respect, kindness, care, smile, trust are all I expect from others; because these are real ingredients that make life as happy as can be.
Yet there are times when people fall miserably below my expectation. My first reaction is always of disappointment. It’s because I usually put extra effort from my side to help people to come up to my expectation (because basically I am a human, with uncountable vices and prejudices).such disappointments always lodge in my heart for long durations in guise of sadness. Sadness is, by nature, very slow to recover.
It’s said a child burnt with hot milk fears even chilled curd. Anyway that child is not at all like me. I’d always give even hot milk a second or third chance, expecting it not to be as hot as before.
Because life is worth living only if one has an expectation from oneself or from the world…
Hail expectations!!!!!!!

Life is no where

2006-05-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

“LIFEISNOWHERE”.
I got this as a sms and I read it as ‘life is no where’, a split second later I realized it also read ‘life is now here’.
I tend to brood over things a lot, so I kept pestering my mind asking if I was a pessimist. In normal life experiences I am quite optimistic. I always felt it is better to be like that-the more we frown at life the more life frowns at us. Then why did such a negative outlook creep into my reading.
Maybe am used to taking life in its smallest form that appears before me. That’s how life has always been for me. The issue at hand is of utmost priority and the consequences are often not quite thought about. I do think about them but maybe not as much as usually any sensible person would; for many times I have regretted my decisions. But that however helps me least in changing for good. I always enjoy taking what life brings-good or bad. I feel it adds to my life’s experience…
I need to have some real good life excerpts to relate to my kids in future. If I can’t learn from my mistakes, someday at least my kids can learn. I can reduce that much of trouble for them.
My parents come from a very conservative family, especially my mother. My dad did have an adventurous life (in comparative degree with my mother’s), But however it isn’t of much use to me. Two reasons-1). Being a girl his adventures can’t help me quite a lot as even in these days girls do not get the freedom boys of those days got(in south India) and so our situations in life would be quite different.2). My father dear has never been very expressive about the faults he committed in life (just a typical man).mothers are usually quite useful in relating their stories of adolescence and the mistakes they made. The intention is absolutely not to degrade themselves but to save their kids from a similar situation. But my mother was an innocent darling who never got the opportunity to commit mistakes (except maybe marrying my Dad, which again was not her mistake; her parents’ mistake, which she has been happily coping with for the past 30years). Yes, she has been able to guide me and my elder sister from mistakes she has seen others commit, just as I learned to avoid punishments watching and avoiding situations she got punished for.
See, how a small sms can put me on to think all this…… I cant restrict myself from thinking.
I can request my friends not to send me such provocative sms ……
What do you think????? Let me know.