September

It is the month of September. Yet another Birthday. There surely isn't any excitement or counting of days to the birthday as it used to be till a few years ago; but surely there is a warm feeling deep inside. This birthday is sort of important to me. Technically, this is going to be my last single birthday; the birthday that brings me to the age which I had told my parents I would be ready for marriage. Gosh, about 2-3 years ago, I really did feel that when am 24 years old, I shall be ready to be married,take up the marital responsibilities,be mature to deal with a new life and relations,take wise decisions,be emotionally prepared to be a wife. But except the fact that my perspective of life has changed a bit, I really haven't matured as much as I expected myself too. Marriage still seems a bit scary and makes me feel awfully nervous; but guess it's like the pre-stage fright that I  had ever since I can remember. I would have trembling knees,sweating palms and a throbbing heart till my name is called and I get on stage;after that all that matters is that I give my best shot & always end up happy with whatever the result. I might not always end up with the first prize, but I never ended up a loser.

So waiting for my name to be called and to enter the stage.

Chingam 1st

Don't know how familiar this word is to most of my friends who read my blogs. It is the New Year as per the Malayalam Calendar. The month when Onam is celebrated.

Unlike all these past years, this Chingam is very special to me.

Today, am stepping formally, full time into the career of my dreams. It's like I have got the wings to fly to my dream. My efforts, my passion, my dreams all have the same direction now but the wind surely has to be supportive. I need all the prayers, good wishes, motivation, support and healthy criticism I can.

More to say about what is so special about this (Mallu) New Year. But guess my heart is quite full to write anymore. Will catch up with more as soon as I get a grip on myself.

Till then am on celebration mode ! Yipeeeeeeee...............

[pic courtesy: google; reworked on request by Praveen Stanley Johnson]

Why Should I Marry ???

Why should I marry???

* Because I am 23 years old?
* Because I have quit full-time studying and have started working too?
* Because the "world" thinks I'm almost past my ideal age to marry?
* Because other girls around my neighbourhood & cousins younger to me are getting married?
* Because it is long since my parents have had no answer to people's question as to why their youngest daughter ain't getting married?
* Because my elder sister (who is 10 years elder to me) is happily married and has a kid too.
* Because my marriage would "free" my parents of responsibilities?(as if it would)
* Because marriage is the key to happiness for a single girl? (the same world says the opposite to single men)
* Because getting married "must be" my ultimate goal in life which must be fulfilled "now" ?
* Because I "should be" desperate by now to marry?
* Because at my age all my dreams must encompass around the golden word "marriage" ?
* Because by now I must have a clear picture of the kind of guy I must be getting married to thus making it easier to find him?


Guess, the list goes endlessly on... but none convincing enough.

At Last ! ! !

Shiva, an animated film is going to be aired on Cartoon Network from tomorrow, May 17th 2009. I happen to have contributed to its script and have dubbed for the character Devi Parvathy.

It surely isn't the dream work of mine, surely not the best I can; but surely marks the first step of my dream.. My name appears on screen for the first time and that too on Cartoon Network at Indian Prime Time 12 pm..

Gosh, am I excited??? bet on it.. i feel like the first grader who got her first school bag and new water bottles.. can't wait for tomorrow.. :)

At last, something is happening. And of course something is better than nothing.. :)

Vote

Yea, i cast my first vote on 16th April 2008.

I entered into a classroom turned polling booth. All the officers inside the poll-booth looked like goons. Anyways, I was shocked to see about 25 names and symbols on the voting machine, wherein I had even remotely heard of just 5,even after trying my level best to know the candidates in my constituency. I wished I could have known all, but had to satisfy myself with voting for one from the five I knew. Anyways those who couldn't even make their presence felt, might never make any positive difference too..

On a whole am excited about the whole affair of casting my vote and even now proudly sport the ink mark on my left index finger; the proof of my voting power. :)

A Solution

At last, i have found a way to make my vote count..

Thanks to my usual dose of reading random blogs, I came across a post from Chavvi in her blog " Nothing is Certain".

Go through it, the link to the post is http://chhavikhurana.blogspot.com/2009/03/i-vote-nobody.html .

Its great to know,that if there are just rotten apples in the bag,i can actually go and tell the authorities that i do not vote for anybody.

That is, rather than sitting home and choosing not to vote,in effect letting corrupt people become my representatives, I can walk up to the voting booth and say the same thing - that i would not vote for any of the rotten apples u have given me to choose from; and still make a difference with it.

There seems to be light at the end of the tunnel, and its a light which can be beneficial if all of us find it together, so lets hold hand and show others the light too.. The voter must know that he can study each candidate and if he does not find any worthy of his Vote,he can choose to Vote for nobody .

Most of us are ignorant of the fact and most of us we know might be unaware of such an option too. So as responsible citizens, lets take it upon ourselves to spread the word as much as it goes..

Me

I am a chronic addict: Music my opium; Writing my alcohol; Reading my shot of nicotine...And I refuse therapy .



A statement that popped itself in my mind when I was lost in the world of my opium :)

Political Joke

Some days back I received a call from a relatively unknown person , to woo me into campaigning for one of my Dad's friend who happens to be contesting for the coming elections from the place where I have done part of my schooling and college. Weird; esp because they chose me to do the task. Practical; because, if I have say about 300 contacts with youngsters in the place and I campaign them into voting for him; about 5 campaigners like me would guarantee him success.

But with due respect to the old man, I had to nod NO.. Just because I hate the politics of present day India (especially Kerala) and I hate the POLITICIANS who are responsible for the degeneration of healthy politics.

That put another question in my head. I must exercise my right to Vote and I would want to motivate all my friends to do the same. But whom do I vote for??? I am not any party's follower and I would want to vote for an able person, an individual I can be sure would be a fair representative of the masses. But till now I havn't come across one Contestant which could convince me as a voter to vote for him.

So that puts me in a dillemma. How would my vote count if I have to choose one from a basket full of rotten apples??? I don't like rotten apples, thus it doesn't make a difference if they are fully rotten or partially. But If I don't vote, I maybe letting the worst of the lot take away the game. If someone has a solution, please educate me. I hope I can make some difference by casting my vote.

Why can't the Election system be something similar to the one we had in school?? Where the entire class chose the contestants and the cass chose from among the contestants, who would monitor the class. Why can't the public suggest candidates, and not the parties?? When would we have young blood into politics who work on the true principles of politics and social welfare?? Or will we just witness the Political system in our country rot and wither away??

Realisation

I was struck hard yesterday by none other than dear old pal Realisation. In this place, having a good intention, plans and support is not enough... One's entire plans and intentions can go down the drain if some anonymous group decides to have a violent strike for whatsoever crap reason.

Gosh, i just hate such cheap politics... However such goons managed to ruin my plans for City clean up on Sunday. :(

So i missed out on the opportunity and also on the fun that the others had...

Looking forward for next week!!!

Clean City

Trivandrum, our dear old Thiruvananthapuram is surely a beautiful place; but like most cities in India, it surely can be a bit more cleaner. It hasn't been long since I have accepted Trivandrum too as "my place" but have always wanted it to be more tidier from the time I started staying here. But like all Indian citizens, I kept hoping that the authorities would do something about it. Though I knew it very well that nothing would happen unless we, the people, personally get into the act.

So thats one reason to jump and meet an opportunity when it knocks my door; especially so softly. A few yopungsters have joined hands and have come up with an initiative 'Tidy City' ( http://tidycity.org/blog/ ). So for the first activity, which happens to be a 2 hour Trivandrum Museum clean up on teh 1st of February( http://tidycity.org/blog/museum-clean-up-on-feb-1 ), I have joined in. I was happy to see that 10 of my friends in office too wanted to join and give a helping hand. So that sets 11 of us (the numbers might grow) marching towards the Museum on Sunday, of course in addition with a lot others. If any of my readers in Trivandrum would like to join us, Please do!!!

Another New Year- 2009

So, 2008 just vanished!

Even after a whole week since New Year, i haven't yet made up my mind about the Resolutions for this year; especially because the entire list of last year's resolutions are still just resolutions.

hmmm.. ok i shall carry over the whole of last year's resolutions:

http://colouredmusings.blogspot.com/2008/01/new-year.html

and add just one more to it...

* I shall quit( or atleast try to reduce) being such a lazy - bone.

[ Photo courtesy: Some genius who shares my ideology clan]

Fashion

Madhur Bhandarkar: the name itself brought in a lot of expectation.

Fashion held my interest, not just because of the trailers but also all the reviews and interviews said. So after a long gap, I went for the movie Fashion. The theatre gave a small hint- it was near empty, however that makes me more comfortable than otherwise. The movie starts, the music gives me goosebumps- but nothing that I would want to hear again; Priyanka Chopra, Kangana Ranaut, Mugdha Godse, along with all the other models in the movie make excellent eye candy, story line is good- could have been surely improvised. Madhur Bhandarkar with his cast had visited the Siddhivinayaka Temple for blessings. Mr Bhandarkar also feels that Fashion is his best movie till now, though I feel it would be Traffic Signal.

Anyway, the prayers seem to be granted. Kangane Ranaut gets a "Hats off to you" from me. A person with no background in modelling, did a terrrific job on the ramp.She had the attitude and grace which unfortunately even professional models like Priayanka and Mugdha could not outdo. Apart from all the skin shown by everyone on the movie, genuine acting is showcased by Kangana. Priyanka is not bad, but when compared she is quite down the graph.

As is Bhandarkar's style, girls steal the show in 'Fashion' too. Overall an OK movie. 2 and an half hour is fine; nothing more nothing less.

Drawing Class

With God’s grace I have worked in the best of workplaces and I enjoyed every moment of working. My present office is full of artists who work magic with paper, pencils and the high tech comps and it’s as if I am a normal human being lost in a wonderland. Luckily, I myself sport enough eccentricity to be a part of them.

However, I am inspired like never before to draw/sketch. For all my buddies in school for whom I drew the record books and the ones who couldn’t stop praising all those beautiful art work I managed in the zoology & botany Record books; thanks for strengthening the illusion that I could draw. With me illusions have never taken much time to get shattered.

One typical day at work; senior artists on their routine creation of magic. The trainees being like small pixies learning to cast spells - the spells might go a bit haywire, yet the magic sure is there. I roam around these magicians in between my work. With a sudden unexpected speed I tell one of the senior artists that I want to learn to draw as well.

So that’s how the class starts. I take up a few sheets of drawing paper, several pencils and eraser eager to become a magician myself. My instructor instructs me in all seriousness to draw circles of all size in free hand. My hopes get thwarted. I guess I was looking for some sort of a crash course. Still I tried to do it for about 5 minutes, while my patience ran out.

And that’s how the class ended. I decide that am better off as a simple normal human than a magician.
[ Does it remind you of a fox and some grapes which turn out sour??? ]

1 Rupee Rides

Those were the days.

B.H.E.L. Township ; gang of kids of different ages with a single obsession- bicycle ; baby Meenakshi a 7 year old gang member - a gang memeber whose parents felt she was too small to ride a cycle; a rundown shop, Subhash Bhai's cyle shop- ranging from cycle repairs to cycle rentals; one rupee per hour for a cycle; baby M's half pedal efforts; the several falls; broken knee & elbows; a complete year of undying dedication and baby M was competing guys in the team on stunts; got to ride sister's BIG cycle too.....

But all thanks to dear old Subhash Bhai- who made those one rupee rides possible( and after some months at a discounted fifty paise).

Waiting to be back

Dear dear Blog....

By no chance have I forgotten you nor do I have any intention of avoiding you... There are oodles and oodle of things happening... and as soon as i sort everything, i will be back with a bang to shower you with each and everything to make up for the time you felt neglected and unused...

Till then pray for me !!!

Illusions

Illusions don't last long...

Nor do wishes...

However hopes do last till one dies...

Am dead ;

no illusions, no wishes, no dreams, no hopes.

The only thing that reminds me of life is the jarring pain that lingers;

lingers as a continuum and omnipotent.

( Photo cortesy : Mr Arun Syamalan )

New Year 2008 .

New Year New Year. :)

the beginning is too good. hope it goes on just like this..

this new year has in store for me ample crucial issues:
All of which I have taken upon myself with equal zeal and commitment.
Hope I get through it all.

As usual i have made my set of resolutions:

1). I shall write and maintain my daily diary ( though am still looking for a beautiful diary to start doing so).

2). I shall work-out without fail. ( its high time to change my shape from round to a more feminine one).

3). I am gonna revert back to my old time habit of keeping up personal relationship with God ( Its my experience that He/ She is a great buddy but equally worse enemy.... )

4). I am going to try to be more feminine. I am gonna try to grow nails, have a fancy hair cut, keep my tresses and skin pampered with the basics- Henna, pedicure, massage and whatever craps they say, carry an umbrella against the sun( Gosh , that already sounds impossible), even try to change the way i walk [ This resolution am sure i'll have to break at some point of time].

Guys, believe me its real hard to be feminine, and all those gals who do it or are born that way, my Hats off to you!

5). I am gonna remember my friends B'days and at least drop in a line of email or an ecard without fail and ON TIME.

( i always want to do this, but i dont know how i mess it up. i just am too lazy i suppose- But for my friends attention, believe me whether u get my card or not, call or not, email or not ; if u were ever one of my close frineds, u are there in my heart in the special corners for u.)

6). Am gonna study laboriously, atleast for the initial 5-6 months [Hope I do not suffer from brain damage- caused out of over work. ]

7). I will try my level best to control my anger and my mood swings.

8). I will try to be more diplomatic and try not to hurt even those nasty pigs who occasionally bring me to the verge of murder .

[But its actually nice to be myself and scream the frustration out and to be least bothered to think of the outcome ].

9). I will keep my room clean and will try to keep it that way for more than a week; also i will do the maintainance work every weekend too ( Gosh! am gonna miss all my rubbish)

10). Read newspapers and magazines regularly (compulsorily).

Thats all that the list holds. Small list.... but only I know how difficult it would be to successfully conquer these.

What if all this happens???

Lo and Behold...
*poooff*
I am gonna be someone else, who would be a complete stranger even to myself..

lol; but if its for good, am game for it..

2008, am ready for you [ in battle gear ] ...

Saviour

If a person runs out of talk time on a Sunday eve the person is doomed; at least till Monday morning…..

Is it???? Not really**

With Saviors out on the road; and surprisingly on the Trivandrum roads….

An urgent call to make; 30 paise balance; search for a recharge shop; dejected ; disappointed; silently calling those shopkeepers who don’t open shops on Sundays names; wondering what next to do…..That’s when the “lady in distress” stumbles upon the Samaritan handicapped “beggar”. The conversation goes as follows:

Beggar(hereafter as B): “What do you want?”
Lady(hereafter as L): “Will this shop open?”(pointing to a shop adjacent to the temple in front of which the beggar was seated)
B: “No, What do you want?”
L: “Recharge Card”
B: “Which Connection?”
Lady a bit confused a bit irritated considers walking away. But somehow manages
L: “Airtel”
B: “For what amount?”

With those words the person dug his hand into the ragged cloth bag next to him and produced several recharge cards.

The Lady was ecstatic. she had intended to buy just the minimum of 20Rs card, she was so overwhelmed that she bought a card for 100 Rs/-.
The surprise package wasn’t over; the Beggar spoke to the Lady in Malayalam, Tamil and Telugu…
The Lady was impressed….She had to be ‘cause she dint know Tamil and Telgu.
The Lady was happy…she got talk time and the urgent call was dealt with satisfactorily…

She thanked God….and surely the modest person on the road; whom others might call a beggar but for her no less than a “Savior”

She thanked God….”Thank you God for not bounding capability and enterprise just to a few people”

She pleaded to God…”God please let people with capabilities and inner strength and vision make name& fame in the world and not go unnoticed….”


God in his heaven, Lady in her house, the person humbly serving people near the temple; Alls well with the world…[Hopefully].

Purple

He leaned against the wall. All he could see upto the horizon was a dry, empty land, a barrenness rivaled only by the emptiness he felt inside.

It had been twenty two years since he had first stood by this wall. Everyday since then he had been drawn to it to stand in front of it wondering what was on the other side imagining, dreaming until it was no longer just a wall but a doorway to a life, a life he had never lived… if only he could find the key.

For twenty-two years he had been drawn to that wall like a dying man drawn towards God and for twenty two years he had been trying to get to the other side. He couldn’t go around it. He had tried, tried walking along the wall all day and night, hoping and praying that it would end until he couldn’t move another foot, couldn’t take another step, until he collapsed into a heap, crying and laughing hysterically at his failure of such seemingly simple task, his failure to get to the other side.

But that did not deter him. If he couldn’t go around it , he would try going above it but no matter how much he tried, he was always two inches too short. After what seemed like eternity he tried the next possibility, going under it. He began to dig and dig and dig until his hands were so raw, that the dry sand was permanently stained red.

But he could not give up now. Not after all these years, not after all this blood, sweat and tears. He started on his new plan – he would go through the wall. Everyday he would bring a boulder and crash it against the wall again and again until he would break into tiny pebbles; hoping that the wall would break any day, that the wall will crack, that the wall will at least be scarred but nothing happened. All he had was a heap of pebbles which seemed to touch the sky.

Suddenly a thought occurred to him. He moved the pebbles towards the wall and started climbing, clawing his way over the wall until he got to the top and then fell to the ground on the other side. He kept his eyes tightly shut waiting for the perfect moment. It was nearing dusk and the sky was purple with streaks of crimson gold as though the painter had felt that it required something extra to keep it burning. He sat up, slowly opened his eyes. He smiled.

He leaned against the wall. All he could see upto the horizon was a dry empty land, barrenness rivaled only by the emptiness he felt inside.

Onam Kazchakkal

I had a moving view of Onam in people’s life, thanks to the emergency hospital trip. I was in pain, in a kind of panic-driven state and I wanted to shift my attention. The roadside views were perfect. Everything provoked thought; at times happy thought, at times sympathetic ones, at times a brief though followed dutifully by a sarcastic smile.

Every junction was blaring songs on speakers…either Hindi Album songs or Tamil hits.
Great, just what was needed for Onam!

Men-folk were mostly drunk – their legs hardly had any idea where they were going.
Perfect, Mahabali must be pleased!

Kids in new attire, in all happiness and vigor of festivity.
Cute!

Most junctions & courtyards having a bunch of people playing cards.
Good. Gaming spirit.

A verandah with an old ammumma & appupan. Appupan sipping something in a steel glass( presuming it to be payasam) while the Ammumma peers at our vehicle with a peculiar gleam in the eyes and a radiant smile on her face. Swiftly the gleam and smile disappear and a momentary sadness occupies. But just for a second. The lady again peps up and continues her wait.
Sympathy. Imagining their loneliness.
Resolution. To try my level best to see that my parents don’t face a similar fate later.
Understanding. How hard and painful yet in a strange way fulfilling parenting can be.
Afterthought. Will my Onams be like theirs after another 50years?
Prayer. God , PLEASE let Onam be very very special & full of happiness for all parents.


Since I was in terrible pain, I hope God did listen to my prayer.
For I know he made my parents happy again (as my pain was brought under control and I was back to normal)...