Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I Slept Last Night


I slept last night. Without studying, without reading, without music, without any sign of my normal nights. It struck me strange. Not that I was not sad. I was. Not that I was not happy. I was. But somehow my mind refused to fight. It was like, none of the emotions wanted to win. Both just wanted to snuggle together and sleep on the bed of my heart. I let them be. It was strangely heavier. Usually before I doze off, a fight among the two ensues. One of them wins and the winner prevails the whole night through - till dawn hits with the expectations and hopes of a brand new day. When the gloom overpowers the joy of the day, the path to sleep is teary. But when the joy scores above the gloom, the sleep is glut, troubled only by the mosquitoes and the archaic fear of ants walking into my ears.

I slept last night. I didn’t want to; I was not prepared to. But I slept. There was a time not long back that I loved to sleep. 10pm to 5-6 am was time aside for sleep only. Not that I wanted to awake at 5 am or even 6 am; but in my home it was illegal to sleep after 6. No exemptions on Sundays also. It was compulsory to study early in the morning. Reason? “ What u study in Brahma muhurath ,u never forget”. Yea maybe. I don’t know ‘cos I never studied in ‘Brahma muhurath’. Used to sit with the book open and mind used to wander through pavements of sleep. It was not until I reached college that I was able to study at my own time. I’m a person of the night. I just love staying up late in the night to study. The night is so dark, so beautifully mysterious. So calm and so unsettlingly silent. It was hectic. Study time stretched anytime till 2-2.30am but sleep had to be lazily snatched away from my tired eyes maximum by 6.30. Had to travel a good 1 and a half hour in a crowded irritatingly slow KSRTC bus to college. But all was worth it. I enjoyed every bit of it. Except the first half waking hour, where I felt a bit groggy. I don’t know when but slowly sleep abandoned me like an hurt lover.

I slept last night. One of my most unusual sleep. I dreamt in color- my very first color dream.”. Its very rare that I dream. In a score and an odd year, I have had only two dreams that I remember. Having studied a lot about dream and dream content, I know I might have seen lot many which just got erased from my memory. But then why didn’t this dream wipe itself off too? Why did I have to dream just yesterday? And a dream so confusing? Sigmund Freud says dreams are the “road to unconscious” mm… I’m putting off the illustration of the dream for later times. Yet it makes me brood.

I slept last night. But I hope I don’t sleep tonight, without my emotions fighting and one of them winning. Its so frustrating when even my emotions and mind doesn’t work the way I expect them to. I have learned to cope with unpredictability with men/women. It amuses me now. I can’t and don’t want my emotions and feeling factors to be out of my control. No way!

I slept last night. I might sleep tonight too, but not like yesterday. Or I might not sleep at all….

4 comments:

Sunil Shiv Shankar said...

Women often write with their words soaked in ambiguity. Making it tough to figure out what they are actually saying. So, is this piece really about sleep or some deeper emotional issues?

ShEkHaR said...

Hi Meenakshi,

write more,. like to read

Sleep is essential, but it is bit overrated, imo
right Sunil? (we are in the same fish bowl)

ha ha ha

Sunil Shiv Shankar said...

Thanks for the encouragement. And for reading every post.

You must update your blog. Stop sleeping, ok?

Sketches from a Writer's Album said...

Hi Meenakshi,
Yes nights are beautful but always enigmatic. Deadnen walk in the night. Newborn come to life in night. I love the post.I have heard that when we are in deep slumber our soul wander lke a vagabound. iam thankful for your nice comment about my blog. Yes it has some spelling and grammer problems. As a malayalam medium student iam trying to correct it.Keep posting.Hureee