Friday, December 07, 2007


If a person runs out of talk time on a Sunday eve the person is doomed; at least till Monday morning…..

Is it???? Not really**

With Saviors out on the road; and surprisingly on the Trivandrum roads….

An urgent call to make; 30 paise balance; search for a recharge shop; dejected ; disappointed; silently calling those shopkeepers who don’t open shops on Sundays names; wondering what next to do…..That’s when the “lady in distress” stumbles upon the Samaritan handicapped “beggar”. The conversation goes as follows:

Beggar(hereafter as B): “What do you want?”
Lady(hereafter as L): “Will this shop open?”(pointing to a shop adjacent to the temple in front of which the beggar was seated)
B: “No, What do you want?”
L: “Recharge Card”
B: “Which Connection?”
Lady a bit confused a bit irritated considers walking away. But somehow manages
L: “Airtel”
B: “For what amount?”

With those words the person dug his hand into the ragged cloth bag next to him and produced several recharge cards.

The Lady was ecstatic. she had intended to buy just the minimum of 20Rs card, she was so overwhelmed that she bought a card for 100 Rs/-.
The surprise package wasn’t over; the Beggar spoke to the Lady in Malayalam, Tamil and Telugu…
The Lady was impressed….She had to be ‘cause she dint know Tamil and Telgu.
The Lady was happy…she got talk time and the urgent call was dealt with satisfactorily…

She thanked God….and surely the modest person on the road; whom others might call a beggar but for her no less than a “Savior”

She thanked God….”Thank you God for not bounding capability and enterprise just to a few people”

She pleaded to God…”God please let people with capabilities and inner strength and vision make name& fame in the world and not go unnoticed….”

God in his heaven, Lady in her house, the person humbly serving people near the temple; Alls well with the world…[Hopefully].

Monday, November 05, 2007


He leaned against the wall. All he could see upto the horizon was a dry, empty land, a barrenness rivaled only by the emptiness he felt inside.

It had been twenty two years since he had first stood by this wall. Everyday since then he had been drawn to it to stand in front of it wondering what was on the other side imagining, dreaming until it was no longer just a wall but a doorway to a life, a life he had never lived… if only he could find the key.

For twenty-two years he had been drawn to that wall like a dying man drawn towards God and for twenty two years he had been trying to get to the other side. He couldn’t go around it. He had tried, tried walking along the wall all day and night, hoping and praying that it would end until he couldn’t move another foot, couldn’t take another step, until he collapsed into a heap, crying and laughing hysterically at his failure of such seemingly simple task, his failure to get to the other side.

But that did not deter him. If he couldn’t go around it , he would try going above it but no matter how much he tried, he was always two inches too short. After what seemed like eternity he tried the next possibility, going under it. He began to dig and dig and dig until his hands were so raw, that the dry sand was permanently stained red.

But he could not give up now. Not after all these years, not after all this blood, sweat and tears. He started on his new plan – he would go through the wall. Everyday he would bring a boulder and crash it against the wall again and again until he would break into tiny pebbles; hoping that the wall would break any day, that the wall will crack, that the wall will at least be scarred but nothing happened. All he had was a heap of pebbles which seemed to touch the sky.

Suddenly a thought occurred to him. He moved the pebbles towards the wall and started climbing, clawing his way over the wall until he got to the top and then fell to the ground on the other side. He kept his eyes tightly shut waiting for the perfect moment. It was nearing dusk and the sky was purple with streaks of crimson gold as though the painter had felt that it required something extra to keep it burning. He sat up, slowly opened his eyes. He smiled.

He leaned against the wall. All he could see upto the horizon was a dry empty land, barrenness rivaled only by the emptiness he felt inside.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Onam Kazchakkal

I had a moving view of Onam in people’s life, thanks to the emergency hospital trip. I was in pain, in a kind of panic-driven state and I wanted to shift my attention. The roadside views were perfect. Everything provoked thought; at times happy thought, at times sympathetic ones, at times a brief though followed dutifully by a sarcastic smile.

Every junction was blaring songs on speakers…either Hindi Album songs or Tamil hits.
Great, just what was needed for Onam!

Men-folk were mostly drunk – their legs hardly had any idea where they were going.
Perfect, Mahabali must be pleased!

Kids in new attire, in all happiness and vigor of festivity.

Most junctions & courtyards having a bunch of people playing cards.
Good. Gaming spirit.

A verandah with an old ammumma & appupan. Appupan sipping something in a steel glass( presuming it to be payasam) while the Ammumma peers at our vehicle with a peculiar gleam in the eyes and a radiant smile on her face. Swiftly the gleam and smile disappear and a momentary sadness occupies. But just for a second. The lady again peps up and continues her wait.
Sympathy. Imagining their loneliness.
Resolution. To try my level best to see that my parents don’t face a similar fate later.
Understanding. How hard and painful yet in a strange way fulfilling parenting can be.
Afterthought. Will my Onams be like theirs after another 50years?
Prayer. God , PLEASE let Onam be very very special & full of happiness for all parents.

Since I was in terrible pain, I hope God did listen to my prayer.
For I know he made my parents happy again (as my pain was brought under control and I was back to normal)...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I Slept Last Night

I slept last night. Without studying, without reading, without music, without any sign of my normal nights. It struck me strange. Not that I was not sad. I was. Not that I was not happy. I was. But somehow my mind refused to fight. It was like, none of the emotions wanted to win. Both just wanted to snuggle together and sleep on the bed of my heart. I let them be. It was strangely heavier. Usually before I doze off, a fight among the two ensues. One of them wins and the winner prevails the whole night through - till dawn hits with the expectations and hopes of a brand new day. When the gloom overpowers the joy of the day, the path to sleep is teary. But when the joy scores above the gloom, the sleep is glut, troubled only by the mosquitoes and the archaic fear of ants walking into my ears.

I slept last night. I didn’t want to; I was not prepared to. But I slept. There was a time not long back that I loved to sleep. 10pm to 5-6 am was time aside for sleep only. Not that I wanted to awake at 5 am or even 6 am; but in my home it was illegal to sleep after 6. No exemptions on Sundays also. It was compulsory to study early in the morning. Reason? “ What u study in Brahma muhurath ,u never forget”. Yea maybe. I don’t know ‘cos I never studied in ‘Brahma muhurath’. Used to sit with the book open and mind used to wander through pavements of sleep. It was not until I reached college that I was able to study at my own time. I’m a person of the night. I just love staying up late in the night to study. The night is so dark, so beautifully mysterious. So calm and so unsettlingly silent. It was hectic. Study time stretched anytime till 2-2.30am but sleep had to be lazily snatched away from my tired eyes maximum by 6.30. Had to travel a good 1 and a half hour in a crowded irritatingly slow KSRTC bus to college. But all was worth it. I enjoyed every bit of it. Except the first half waking hour, where I felt a bit groggy. I don’t know when but slowly sleep abandoned me like an hurt lover.

I slept last night. One of my most unusual sleep. I dreamt in color- my very first color dream.”. Its very rare that I dream. In a score and an odd year, I have had only two dreams that I remember. Having studied a lot about dream and dream content, I know I might have seen lot many which just got erased from my memory. But then why didn’t this dream wipe itself off too? Why did I have to dream just yesterday? And a dream so confusing? Sigmund Freud says dreams are the “road to unconscious” mm… I’m putting off the illustration of the dream for later times. Yet it makes me brood.

I slept last night. But I hope I don’t sleep tonight, without my emotions fighting and one of them winning. Its so frustrating when even my emotions and mind doesn’t work the way I expect them to. I have learned to cope with unpredictability with men/women. It amuses me now. I can’t and don’t want my emotions and feeling factors to be out of my control. No way!

I slept last night. I might sleep tonight too, but not like yesterday. Or I might not sleep at all….

Monday, June 25, 2007

College College...

Its strange how one can miss things of past which were when in the present,not at all liked....i never thought I'll miss my college...actually I don't....I still visit my school whenever time and situation allows...But I know,Once I collect my Marklist and am through with all the formalities ,that is, done with whatever needs to be done,I won't really want to keep visiting my college,though I'd really love to meet my classmates,juniors,NCC juniors (whom I can meet outside as welll) and most importantly my professors (my department's proffesors) and the Principal....And am just waiting eagerly for December 27th.....thats the date scheduled for PsychoGang Reunion 2007 ....Hope all of us make time to reach College that day.....And am missing my friends and collegemates all the more sitting here doing what am doing......I surely don't want to relive those days but those memories of naughtiness,frolic,immense responsibility,discipline,stress,expectations all in such diverse quantities........ ITS SEEMS SO STRANGE..Its like thirty five rivers from different regions somehow got to meet and flow together for 3 long-short between which there were ripples,clashes,shallow and deeper moments...but no matter what,at the end of the day the rivers flowed together....and now suddenly the rivers have broken out and are out in different directions... . The river called Meenakshi is happy to have broken ways and to have got wings to explore the beautiful/cruel world(whichever applies-am out to explore it), but at times the river breaks down in involuntary tears reminiscing those days of having a Gang........ God knows how much I miss my gang..... But there are surely the positive aspects too.... i get ample of time to spend with myself.. I am in the process of knowing myself better (sounds crazy,i know),am able to give more time for myself,to hear those uncountable silent voices within me,to probe deeper into my unconsciousness,to experiment with myself,to give time to things i always wanted to deal on .

I just assume that am getting a bargain on life...... lol..

Friday, June 22, 2007

Motivator : (Part 2) Lt. Col. Ashwini Sudan

This can also be seen as a continuation to my earlier article : "Motivated and Disciplined"...

The next motivator I write here is none other than my "Sudan Sir"..I got the priviledge of meeting and knowing him so well through NCC.I met Lt.Col. Ashwini Sudan sir at my first NCC camp in Peppara on december 23rd.He was the deputy camp commandant [The camp commandant was Col. Abraham Habbi].the first time he spoke to me was in regard with a poem that i had submitted on demand of Col. Habbi....and I was kind-of intrigued by Sudan Sir.He was a complete mis-match with the stereotype i held for military officers..he had his hair cut in Shahrukh khan like style.he was a bit plump.. yet I was impressed with him....
Reasons????? God,there are soooooo many..
1). He was..sorry IS intelligent..infact the only person other than my sister whom i look up on as extremely intelligent /knowledgeable.

2). He was down to earth and so approachable yet so charmingly no-nonsense.

3). His strategy was inspirational- Management gurus need to take a tip or two from him. He is kind,considerate and approachable to people around him-even his cook,drivers,the kids,the other officers and simply make them fall in love with him...and once the work is done he knows they'll act exactly in accordance to his terms....

4). Somehow very charmingly,he also let people around him understand that he had another side to the persona- the tough colonel....which no one wanted to see...

5). He was always a father figure to me and he lives up to it sooo subtly...

6). He was the person other than my sister who stressed me to aspire for something (the same that my sister told me to pursue) and in a way that i have agreed and am working on it to my maximum ( i say so..he feels i need to put in

7).Every camp or time I spent with him around was a lesson in much to memorable.

8). There are so many reasons and soo much to write about him.....

Sir, if you read this ,this is not all I have to say about you....You have motivated me in a way I have no way to describe...and the charm with which you keep in touch just to make sure that I don't stagger in between and embark a path away from the aspired one...and being as genuinely concerned about me as usually just closest family members are capable of....

Thank you is a word that can never bring out the respect and feeling I have for you...But which word can ever do justice to this very special Bond.....Thanks a ton...And am glad I know Padma Madam,Aditya and Aishwarya (his wife and kids) through you........hope this bond and motivation is with me for ever......

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Motivator : (Part 1) - Radhika Nair

This is going to be a series of the most important motivators in my life uptill now....This is my way of saying to them how special they are for me and how much I will be their 'cheli ' allthrough my life,no matter what position I achieve in life.

The first and foremost motivator for me was none other than my sister,Radhika Nair.She was and is the most important of all my motivators.She was the one who initiated me into the world of writing poems,stories,articles,etc.She made me believe that the careless jottings i made behind my notebooks were quite nice poetry in themselves.I thought about it and gave few touches to one such scribbling and Chechu sent it to a local newspaper named "National Mail ".Thats how my first poem was published in a newspaper when i was in 5th...It was so thrilling.
Then came the studying part.She was the only person at home who said that it was not necessary to get cent percent marks in the exam,but just to make sure that u always keep up an above average performance in studies.She was the only person at home who motivated and encouraged me to read library books,and surprisingly not necessarily the encyclopedias or quiz books but to explore the fiction section too..which i did quite happily and with a zeal that still hasn't left me.Thanx to her am in love with books ,the way I am.She was the one who motivated me to participate in competitions to excel in performance not just to win prizes-she always said that prizes were just bonus,it is important to go on stage and perform your best.She was the one who made me feel at ease on stage.She was the one who always made me feel that I am the best.She was the one who always had her way of making me do just as she wants.She was and is the only one I admire without any boundaries and get inspired from anytime.She was the one who successfully bridged the huge age-gap between us with so much elan,that i felt that I too must have kids with huge age-gaps.She was the only human in the world I felt hurt on hurting.She was such an ideal sister,daughter,friend,teacher(though she could be a devil on the nights before my Maths exam-especially when she asked me questions in the middle of the night till when she would keep me awake to teach me----how i hated her on those nights just before the maths exams),{and now-}wife,mother,etc that she inspires me to deliver the life-roles in my life in the best possible manner too.She was the first one to direct me to my ambiton in life.She was the one who gave me the courage to dream about it.She was the one who told me I had wings with enough strength to fly over to those high clouds she had helped me to fix gaze at.
Had it not been for her,I would certainly not have ended up the way I have.She was the one who taught me to dream.She was the one who gave me the right wind to fly and explore my chances in life.She was the first one to put her complete trust on me.She was the one who fought for me to give me the freedom she never got.Though now, she kind-of cribs that I am given too much freedom which she was completely deprived of,I know she is thoroughly happy that I have grown to be an independent girl(ofcourse she does regrets at times that a bit too much independent{lol,but wat in this world doesn't have a side-effect})

This acknowledgement was long due to her.But even if said or not,her role in making me what I am is inevitably relevant.She might know all this ,but there is something she might not know,because of the way I am;so mysterious and shy to express my deep feelings-the way I feel for her...Chechu,you are one of the most precious gem in my life....Love you more than I would ever confess in words.

Sunday, April 15, 2007


My earlier post on woman had my personal opinion of a woman....but i read in a book about the making of God ; and am I smiling and nodding in acceptace???Yes I am....the words and the imagination of creation of woman is so pure and so enchanting that i have decided to put it on my blog...

wat follows(in bold italics) is not my original work of writing but the lines i remember from that book ....

"...The Creator took the roundness of the moon,the flexibility of a clinging vine and the trembling of grass,the slenderness of a reed and the blossoming of flowers,the lightness of leaves and the serenity of the rays of sunshine,the tears of the clouds and the instability of the wind,the fearfullness of a rabbit and the vanity of a peacock,the softness of a bird's breast and the hardness of diamond,the sweetness of honey and the cruelty of a tiger,the burning of fire and the coolness of snow,the talkativeness of a magpie and the singing of a nightingale,the falseness of a crane and the faithfullness of a mother lion.

Mixing all these non-solid elements together,the Creator created the WOMAN..."

The wide conflict of behaviour and temperament in a woman and among women is brought out subtly in the above words and there would surely be one or more attributes of a woman we would agree as true and correlating to the opinion and experience on women from the day to day life we lead in the society..........

whether that opinion is good or bad,one has to agree that Woman is a unique creation of God....Without whom the propagation of life in itself would be doomed!!!


Saturday, April 07, 2007


Being a Woman,i know and can feel a strange sense of unknown superiority and at the same time a strange sense of submission.I have felt the Ups and at times the deep Downs.and i know that i have so much more to witness in life.Despite the huge coverage of woman-suffering,i feel no dread of the future.not just because i know i am a member of the "safer" women in the world but because i have a Dream.A dream i will strive hard to live.
The path may not be easy,I am sure,but I know I will attain it.I know I can.At a much earlier age,when i was just stepping out of my childhood and the womanly realities in life were staring hard at my face,I had spent several weeks crying over being born a girl.Contrary thoughts were not easy to develop.When freedom was an issue,i always lost because i am a girl.I love seeing and talking to the stars in a solitary calm place,but where can i get it except at the terrace of my home;again since i am a girl.The pain associated in being a woman also irked me a lot.Why should God be so partial to Men???Why should Women always be the sacrificers???Why should Women bear with pain for almost all the best years of their life while Men are spared???Why should only Women be given the cumbersome experience and pain of giving birth to a child???Why didn't God give Men the ability to bear child as well???Why should some things be so pleasurable for men while the same activities are painful and dreaded by women???Why does certain behaviour by the Men are forgiven/forgotten/never seen as wrong whereas the same from a Woman evokes wrath.
These strings of negative thoughts on being a girl flooded my brains for almost all my early teenage.But these thought have changed so drastically now,that i myself am astonished.
God knew that Men would never be able to tolerate emotional and physical pain(exceptions allowed-but talking about the general findings here) for so long and for such prolonged manner.God knew that only a Woman can give birth to a child and love him/her more than oneself.God knows that women alone can be epitomes of sacrifice and unconditional love.God chose only Woman to give birth to kids because He knew that only Women can don His role and give such effective assistance to His work of loving and caring for all of His creations.Woman is superior by the way they are capable of giving birth to a child;by bringing up the child effectively;by influencing the life of her family so prominently yet so subtly;by being emotionally manifold stronger;by bearing all pain with a smile throughout;by giving love,care and pleasure to an entire household;by being the strongest pillar of her family;by cooking,washing,cleaning,etc. showing that she is the centre of their life without whom life would be pathetic,hard,dirtyand hay-wire;by sacrificing her pleasures and choices for her family or rather blending her choices and pleasures with those of the others and thus getting happiness from them.She is submissive by way of her love;by the way she let go of things,by the way she is ready to do/bear anything for the well-being or happiness of her home;and through so many other ways...all acts of submissiveness yet projecting her greatness without fail.

Women again are not all good,just as all Men are not all good.But when a Man is not good,a good Woman can bring him back to goodness with her love and her will-power.But get a Woman who is not good and employ scores of good men for years on end,yet one cannot bring her to change what she is...Thats why someone great said that"A woman decides the fate of a family".
I am proud and happy that i have a good woman as my mother,and i wish that i live up to be a good Woman as well.

Sunday, February 18, 2007


This link was so cute and so touching that i couldn't help put it in my all-original only am sorry for including this work which is not my original ...just a piece that has touched me immensely...check it out....its cute...

Sunday, January 14, 2007


Three years of studying together...cracking jokes,shoulders to cry on,cold wars,competitions,unity in thought,revolting to lots of stuff around,and with much much more...v were a family of 35...internal fights,jealousy,rivalry not withstandingly a part of our relations...but after all a regard prevails among all of us...three years is no short duration,but it seems so small when its almost appraching an end...time seems to be seeping out of our hands...soon our exams would be over..soon we would be bidding farewell to each other promising to keep in touch always ....but unsure if the roads that lay ahead would leave scope for it...
i know its life..and life has to go on and on...but i wish that we would always remain in each others memories as a special happy part which cannot be forgotten ....a feeling that will guarantee that in yester years when we meet knowingly or unknowingly,the love we foster today still remains and expresses not in words but from the tears that would well up in our eyes .... is always such a difficult word to utter.........